"New year - a new chapter, new verse, or the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours." ~ Alex Morritt
Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namaste. Wow, this year is already come and now we're entering a new year. I do want to keep my New Year's Resolutions [refer to Let's Make The New Year Magical blog] but keep it for the upcoming year and will continue to focus on my health and working on being happy, even if it means being single. Yet, I really need to be less critical of myself in a negative way and learn to love myself first so I can positively radiate light from the inside out, every angle possible. Go on dates, regardless of what my mother says and no, I haven't sat down in conversation with her asking her what her thoughts would be in regards of me having a genuine love life because I feel I deserve it. What is my mother going to do to me? What, is she going to call the police on me just because I feel that I deserve a love life? Don't expect me to bring any guy home because what the chances of my mother stealing my future boyfriend just because she doesn't want to get up off her lazy ass and find her own boyfriend and go on dates that are age appropriate? Not the point, I'd have to stop punishing the next guy just because of my son's father put me through and don't get me wrong, I was 26 years old when I got pregnant out of rape, and I was going to put my son up for adoption because I felt I wasn't ready for motherhood since I had other plans I wanted to accomplish before settling down, getting married with a slight possibility of motherhood (depending on where I was at in life at the time), baby daddy's excuse on why he wasn't around was because I wanted to put my son up for adoption! I do want to go on dates, finally be happy for as long as possible with the person I'm with because I deserve it.
"Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings." ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm going to continue with my fitness journey for as long as possible. Once when I've paid down my three charge cards, which should be by the end of January and once when I've got my finances in order, I'm going to focus on saving up to get my root canal done and have a crown, so I join Planet Fitness in the upcoming months once when I've taken care of the dental work that needs to be done. I already have days I want to go (Tuesday afternoon after work; Wednesday; Thursday afternoon after work; and Friday) since there are Free Fitness Training, for those interested in a Day pass at Planet Fitness, check out the link provided, and I'll do what I can to include Mondays at home once when I fire up my laptop for a full body workout, but it's not guaranteed since my mother is retired since August of 2019. 😒 [She doesn't have much of an active social life since most of her friends had relocated to other states outside of New York City, her day consists of either going to the store to get what she needs in the morning or when she has a doctor's appointment but other than that, when she doesn't need anything from the store, she stays home and watches television all day. I have made suggestions to her in regards of programs currently available at the Queens Public Library and as well as making suggestions of her going to Alley Pond Park for walks when Mother Nature is good to us, the impression I've gotten from her is a lack of interest and motivation. Even if she does go for walks, maybe, just maybe she'll find herself a love interest or age-appropriate friends in her own age group. However, I don't know what her problem is, perhaps she believes she's too good to keep herself occupied but she allegedly claims she's "afraid" she'll "fall off the bus" and I call bullshit]. Once when I've paid off my three charge cards and have the funds for a root canal and crown, I'll go for a gym membership in Fresh Meadows since it's not far from where I currently live. I'm going to continue with yoga for my own mental health so I'm not feeling overwhelmed when there is no need to feel that way. I need to do better in regards of health and happiness. I have this mentality and the need to make others happy first before I even make myself happy. I have that survival mentality that I've had for so long that I don't know how to let go of that survival mentality. Again, I should incorporate other workouts such as VICTORIA'S SECRET FULL BODY WORKOUT | 20 MINUTES on the mat. I also want to add WEEK 1 - 2024 WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE and among other fitness challenges from this particular YouTube channel. When I get to 150 pounds (halfway point), I want to get a lotus tattoo on my left wrist with Just Breathe or Breathe tatted underneath of a lotus tattoo. There is a spiritual reason why I've chosen a lotus tattoo, but I don't feel it's appropriate for this blog, well, look at the world we currently live in, we live in a world of ugly and there's always that one beautiful soul that outshines that others don't have or lack that "shine" and resilience that some people have. That's my reason why I want to get a tattoo of a lotus. My goal is when I get to my goal weight of 125 pounds, my intention is to buy at least two or three outfits from Trash & Vaudeville and here's an article in regards of Trash & Vaudeville: Jimmy Webb, Trash and Vaudeville's Beloved Punk, Dies at 62. I intend on doing a better job in taking care of myself through dieting; exercise; and getting enough rest when needed so I can remain healthy and happy. If I don't take care of myself now, how can I take care of my fourteen-year-old son if I am not in the best of health? Furthermore, I do feel it's imperative to take care of yourself first before you take on additional responsibilities of caring for others (I don't give a fuck how old you are)!
"I hope that in this new year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something." ~ Neil Gaiman
To end this blog, I want to do more, little by little and I want to split my time between work; home; and motherhood so I can do age-appropriate things with people in my own age group. There are moments I feel overwhelmed, and I don't know how to communicate I feel in a vocal kind of way. Communication is something I need to work on so I can say how I feel and mean it. Yet, it's so much easier for me to write about it on paper than it is for me to speak about it on paper than it is for me to speak about what I'm feeling, and I'll keep those feelings to myself until I write in my regular handwritten journal. I don't expect people to understand but it's all good. There are things I truly want to focus on, such as focusing more on my health; love life or rather have a love interest but something along those lines as well as having an active social life with age-appropriate people; focus more on myself so I don't lose myself in the process; as well as focusing on saving for a place to call my own and even if this means working two or three jobs just to save up for a place to call my own. Even saving up for a school bus, renovate the school bus so I can travel and go cross country, I'm sure by the time I'm financially established enough to buy a school bus, it should roughly be around when my son graduates from high school. I'm not going to go too crazy in listing many articles and/or videos from YouTube land. Here you go to view at your own leisure: Skoolie Life What to Consider Before Living in A School Bus; Skoolie vs RV; I'll be Surprised If You're Not Impressed with This Charter Bus Conversion; and College Student's Bus Conversion Is Nicer than most Apartments. I feel living off grid can benefit me on many levels, especially in an economical way. Who knows how long I'll be living on a school bus; it could be short term (roughly up to four to five years) or long term (indefinitely). I like the idea of living on a school bus is the idea of not having to owe rent to landlord each month. There are other things I want to work on, one of them is time management. I still need to speak up but in more of a diplomatic way without having to explain myself at all whatsoever when it should be self-explanatory for those with common sense and logic.
Blessed be,
Jennifer
