Capturing the Moment: Why We Celebrate World Photography Day

"Photography has been my way of bearing witness to the joy I find in seeing the extraordinary in ordinary." ~ Harold Feinstein

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ I hope all is well on this lovely day wherever you are in the world! Since today is World Photography Day and this year's theme is "Home." Focusing on comfort, connection, family, and a sense of belonging. Useless trivia time, did you know that the broader period also marks an ongoing celebration of nearly 200 years of photography since the first permanent images were created in the late 1820s? August 19, making the 1839 date when the French government released the daguerreotype photographic process patent as a free gift to the world. There is also World Photography Week as well that runs from August 12 through August 26, 2026, encouraging creators to share images and stories using hashtags like #WorldPhotographyDay; and #WorldPhotographyWeek. I know I haven't been very active with going on my photography walks and there is so much going on in my personal life in the past month, but I won't openly discuss it on here but it's nothing negative or dangerous. Anyway, I have a lot of spring cleaning to do around the apartment, and I honestly do not know how often I will be actively keeping up with blogging after today.

"Only photograph what you love." ~ Tim Walker

Since today is World Photography Day, I'm feeling all giddy and happy that I get to geek out with my fellow photographers today and for as long as I'm able to do all things photography. For anyone who isn't into photography, I don't want to bore you with photography, and feel free to read my other non-photography blogs as you can circle back to future blogs. I feel like I could have better planned World Photography Day but for the time being, I just want to gradually bring rolls of 35mm film to B&H: Photo to be developed and scanned with contact sheets and a CD. I'm fully aware that no one uses CDs anymore. I do have a flash drive, and I can eventually save for a Epson Perfection V850 Pro Scanner so I can scan all the negatives and save them to my flash drive so I wouldn't have to spend more than what I have to if it's not too weird to say. It wouldn't make sense to go to LaGuardia Community College [CUNY] just to use their photo lab and use their scanner to scan negatives just to save these images to my flash drive, makes zero sense when I can simply scan in the comfort of my own home. It's unnecessary to have so many flash drives laying around for each time I drop film off at B&H, and if I were still attending LaGuardia Community College for Photography, AAS, I would be in the photo lab scanning all of my negatives so I can photoshop them at a later time once I learn photoshop. I feel way more excited, animated, and alive about photography than I ever will be regarding my current customer service job in retail since there is zero growth for me to flourish and learn, and I am freaking bored as fuck with my retail job as we speak. (Just wait until the day I finally quit my retail job of seven years, four months and roughly twenty-one days, and leave them all in the rearview mirror permanently! Don't beg me to stay because I deserve better than having more days of wanting to call out than to show up for these clowns and customers who have no respect for those who work in customer service since I don't get paid enough to deal with this level of nonsense. If you're having a bad day, please stay your butt at home until you're mentally and emotionally regulated before going to any business establishment because we do not need your level of verbal abuse since we don't get paid enough to deal with your attitude and verbal abuse! I feel it is time for me to spread my wings and pursue other important things in life that will pay bills since my part-time customer service job barely pays the maintenance bill monthly but I'm barely getting by with my customer service job. I do feel that my current job is only good for those who are in their 20s and in college while still living at home with their parents/family; if you have zero dreams and aspiration to do better for yourself regardless of age because you are never "too old" to go back to college and better yourself or if you're looking to come out of retirement which is very understandable.)

"I didn't choose photography, photography chose me." ~ Gerardo Suter

When I'm behind the camera, I feel more at home, and at ease. When I see people shoot film, whether if it's 35mm or 120mm film, it makes me smile and happy. People are generally surprised when I mention film and I get asked this a lot, "Film still exist?" "Where do you develop your film?" "Where do you buy film?" General questions like that and my main go to photography spot is B&H in Midtown Manhattan, not far from Madison Square Garden. I feel like a kid and to me, B&H is the equivalent to Toys "R" Us to children but for photographers or for those creating music, podcasts, or movies. B&H is my main go-to spot but when they're closed for Jewish holidays, I go to K&M Camera and they're not as big as B&H, but I would say K&M Camera is more of a mom-and-pop kind of store. Since I currently do not have my driver's license or a car, going to Long Island other the convenience of going to Green Acres Mall in Valley Stream is pretty much out of the question for me and Manhattan is my main option. Unfortunately, Bushwick Community Darkroom closed its doors on June 30, 2026, and unfortunately, I have not visited that location yet. It was on my list of places to check out in the upcoming weeks. I know there are other locations where you can utilize what they have. However, if you are a student at LaGuardia Community College or Queensborough Community College [CUNY] or wherever you are currently studying, they have their own darkroom to current students who are currently studying photography either as a hobby or as a career or simply to brush up on anything new since the last time you were a student in college. I'd have to look into where you can develop your own rolls of film. I'm not entirely sure if you're able to develop color film but I know black and white film, definitely yes, you can develop your own film. I'd have to look into where you can develop your film since Bushwick Community Darkroom is permanently closed and I'm not sure what the future will hold for them whether if they find a new physical location where fellow photographers can come together and feel at "home."

A Quick Look Back

Photography has come a long way since the 1800s, when pioneers like Nicephore Nicepce and Louis Daguerre captured the first permanent images. What started as a complex, chemical-heavy science in a darkroom is now an art form carried in billions of pockets around the world.

Yet, the core goal remains identical: connection.

What Photography Teaches Us

Taking pictures is not just about pressing a button. It teaches us important skills that change how we move through the world:

• Patience: Waiting for the right light or the perfect subject to step into the frame.
• Presence: Noticing small details - like shadows on a wall or a bird on a branch - that others walk right past.
• Storytelling: Sharing a unique perspective of people, nature, or your own hometown.

How to Celebrate Today

You do not need fancy gear to join in. Try these simple ideas:

1. Put down the phone: If you have a dedicated camera, dust it off and take it for a one-hour walk.
2. Shoot your everyday: Take three artistic photos inside your own home. Look for unique angles or morning light.
3. Share your story: Post your favorite recent photo online and tell the story of why you took it, not just how it looks.

How are you celebrating your love for photography today? Grab your camera, look around, and go capture something real!

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Elevate Your Journey: Our Spiritual Services & Pricing Menu

"Keep your feet on the ground, but let your heart soar as high as it will. Refuse to be average or to surrender to the chill of your spiritual environment." ~ Arthur Helps

Welcome, beautiful souls. I am thrilled to connect with you here in the vibrant and diverse borough of Queens, NY. Today, I want to talk about something incredibly near and dear to my heart: the profound energy of candle work and spirit offerings.

In our daily lives, we often face overwhelming hurdles - whether it's fighting for a fair outcome in a Court Case, ensuring Child Support is resolved in your favor, or simply trying to Find Work in a competitive city. Spiritual work offers us a way to lean on higher energies to help balance the scales.

What goes into your candle work?

When you request a candle service, you aren't just buying a candle. You are investing in a dedicated spiritual process. Each 7-day pillar candle is fixed with specific herbs, dressed with conjure oils, and inscribed with your exact petitions. Depending on your needs, we may petition the Archangels for healing or work directly with Santa Muerte (La Santisima Muerte) for fast, tangible protection and justice.

Spirit Offerings & Altars

Whether you are building wealth, seeking love, or needing a spiritual shield, offerings are the language of spirit. By placing offerings such as fresh water, sigils, and incense on a dedicated altar, we open the doorways for these entities to assist in your physical reality.

If you are a local to Queens and need physical supplies, I always recommend supporting local spiritual shops like Botanica La Fe for your everyday herbs and candles. However, if you are looking for guided, customized altar and candle work. Contact Me today to schedule your reading and determine the perfect spiritual work for your situation.

Spiritual Services & Pricing Menu

Tarot & Oracle Readings

(Conducted via Phone, WhatsApp, or Zoom)

• 15-Minute Mini Reading (1 specific question or general check-in) - $25
• 30-Minute In-Depth Reading (Comprehensive overview of your situation) - $45
• 60-Minute Spiritual Consultation (Detailed spread + spirit guide messages) - $80

Altar & Candle Work

(Includes setting, dressing, and petitioning with daily photo updates)

• Standard 7-Day Devotional Candle (Protection, Health, Attraction, or Abundance) - $35
• Find Work / Employment Petition - $50
• Court Cases & Legal Matters: (Includes Archangel Michael petition for justice) - $65
• Child Support & Mediation Work: - $75
• Santa Muerte 9-Day Devotion (for deep protection, unblocking, and wealth) - $111

Offerings to Spirits & Archangels

Archangel Candle Offering & Petition (For guidance, healing, or swift intervention) - $40

Santa Muerte Altar Offering (Includes tequila, cigars, flowers, and fruit petition) - $55

Custom Entity / Spirit Work (Contact me for a consultation) - Starting at $88.

How to Book & Pay

1. Send payment via $ScorpionImages on Cash App or @ScorpionImages on Venmo.
2. Email or text your name, date of birth, and your specific petition or question.
3. You will receive a booking confirmation and a scheduled time for your session or altar initiation.

Note: Pricing for spiritual work is an energetic exchange. It is standard practice to factor in the physical materials (herbs, oils, high-quality candles), ongoing overhead, and the practitioner's time and energetic investment.

(Disclaimer: Spiritual services are for guidance purposes. I do not guarantee legal outcomes or medical cures.)

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Beyond The Stars: A Father's Day Blog

"Dad, wherever you are, you are gone but you will never be forgotten." ~ Conrad Hall

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Father's Day is a complicated milestone for many of us. For decades, the holiday has held up a mirror to a void in my life, forcing me to confront a relationship that was defined more by silence than by presence.

I didn't meet my biological father, Dionisio, until August of 1993. I was ten years old, standing in the middle of my sister's Sweet Sixteen, meeting a man who should have been there all along. From that moment on, he was in and out of my life like a ghost.

During junior high, I remember standing in the card aisle, carefully picking out birthday cards to send to him. I wanted to connect. I wanted a dad. But the mailbox remained empty on my own birthdays. He never sent a single card. People often underestimate how deeply that specific rejection cuts. A text message is easy, but there is a distinct comfort in knowing someone took the time to walk into a store, look through a rack, and choose a card just for you. I never got that from him, though I still hold onto the few Christmas cards he did send, tangible proof that he existed in my world, however briefly.

By 2011, the silence won. We lost touch. Three years later, in 2014, he passed away from a brain aneurysm.

When he died, the tears I shed weren't born of traditional grief. They were fueled by a volatile mix of anger, rejection, and abandonment. Now, with the perspective of time, a quiet regret creeps in. I sometimes wish I had reached out during those final three years. I wish I had more photographs to look back on. I find myself trapped in those painful, familiar questions that children of absent parents know all too well: If I had been born a boy, would he have stayed? Was I just not enough?

The trauma of his absence ran so deep that I decided early on I never wanted to be a mother. I was terrified of passing that generational pain down to a child. But life rarely follows our scripts. At age 26, a horrific assault resulted in an unplanned pregnancy.

Today, I am the mother of a wonderful son who is on the autism spectrum. He is verbal, functional, and the center of my world. Yet, history has a cruel way of echoing. Watching my son grow up without a father figure is a unique, sharp pain. It is the exact reality I fought so hard to avoid repeating.

This Father's Day, I am choosing to be honest about where I am. I am not completely from Dionisio's absence, either before or after his death. It is going to take a long time to sort through the layers of what was, what wasn't, and what could have been.

To anyone else navigating a complicated, painful, or empty Father's Day: your anger is valid. Your regret is valid. You are allowed to mourn the father had while fiercely protecting the child you are raising alone. Healing doesn't have a deadline.

Happy Father's Day.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Shutter Therapy: My Minolta Returns

"Film forces you to be deliberate. There's no spray and pray - just patience and presence." ~ Nina Patel, film photographer

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Before I attended this career fair at HRA Business Link in Lower Manhattan today and I decided to dust off my Minolta X-370 since I hadn't used my camera in a long time. Last time I used my Minolta X-370 was in 2021, the shutter had stopped working on me while I was on my photography walk in 2021, and I was more concerned about the cost to repair the shutter since I'm on a budget. If you're a film photographer with a full-time position, it helps being able to fund your film photography hobby or career. Part-time employment is alright but not the best but not the worse and it would sure as hell help having a full-time job after you're caught up with your expenses (bills), splurge on film. I was very giddy when the camera began working again and I gathered my camera, zoom lens, and Kodak Portra 400. You don't know how I've missed going on my photography walks and I'm very much looking forward to going on future photography walks over the summer. I still have film left over since my cousin's wedding and I'm still feeling giddy in a childlike way! I still need to stop by at B&H for the Japan Camera Hunter 35mm Film Hard Case, the one that holds ten rolls of film at a time or I may order Evergreen 35mm Film Storage Case | Holds 18 Rolls | Preserve and Protect Your Film | Waterproof, Crushproof, & Freezer-Safe from Amazon. Although it may make sense to purchase the case from Amazon, just saying and I highly doubt I will shoot all eighteen rolls of film within a single day but at the same time, it may make sense to purchase film that holds ten rolls of film. If I do order the one from Amazon, that case will just remain at home for any film that I've used during my photography walks. Next roll of Black and White film I'm looking to shoot is CineStill BwXX Double-X Black and White Negative Film | 35mm, ISO 250, 36 Exp. If I were still with the Parks Department since it is a full-time position with a guaranteed forty hours per week in comparison to working eight hours per week at my retail job which will remain nameless and I'd be able to drop the film off at B&H to develop the 29 or so rolls of film when it's more in my budget. I'm ready to rock and roll hitting the ground running with the intention of going on my photography walks! However, I'm aware that my wallet doesn't agree with dropping film off at B&H and I'm not sure when I'm able to drop off the film off at B&H. For the moment, the rolls of film will have to sit in the refrigerator until I'm ready to head to B&H. I hope it's soon!

"There's no instant gratification in film photography - only lasting joy." ~ Tina Rayburn

There is one roll of film I purchased at B&H just before Halloween (the day before) of 2023 that I haven't used yet, and it's been sitting in the fridge for nearly three years. I knew I had a roll of Kentmere Pan 400 Black and White Negative Film in the fridge but then at the same time, I kinda forgot about it since I still had the sales receipt wrapped around the film. I do need to go out by day while my son is in school and shoot (film). It'll be a challenge as the MTA had retired the MetroCards on New Year's Eve of 2025 (I still disagree with the MTA's poor decision to unfortunately retire the MetroCards when at a time MetroCards worked out in certain people's favor such as mine because it gave a handful of us the ability to do more and get more done without having to be a slave to the idea of refilling our OMNY cards weekly instead of giving us the freedom to do more if we still had the monthly pass without talking out of my ass as a direct way of doing things but that's just my opinion at the end of the day). I'm still exploring different types of 35mm film and in a world of digital photography, nothing compares to film. Everyone may have an opinion of photography, and which is better. Yes, it is cheaper (cost effective) to shoot digital versus using film where it drains your wallet per film and where you drop your film off, but it is cost effective if you have your own darkroom at home. My only knowledge of developing film is black and white film. I do miss being in the darkroom developing my own film or working on prints with my Ilford paper. I miss being in the dark room and how therapeutic it truly is. If I could turn my bedroom into a dark room, I definitely would in a heartbeat without a second thought! As long as I have my Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts drink on hand but hold the ice. I need my therapeutic fix of going on photography walks solo and spending time in the dark room, you may never see me, ever.

"I never know if I've got the shot until days later. That's what makes it thrilling." ~ Sam Yu

For those who are old enough to know about film photography and yes, film still exist in the world. Yes, there are places that still develop and sell film. Just do your own research and heck, even Amazon sells film, so you're not limited to your local photography store near you. Here in New York City, I will recommend three photography stores, whether if you're from out of town or visiting the New York City area or whatever your situation is, there's B&H Photo, Video Digital Cameras, Photography, Computers which is my main go to store by the way, Adorama, and K&M Camera. Nonetheless, be mindful for when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays and early store closing. I'm very much looking forward to going on future photography walks in the unforeseeable future for as long as my camera cooperates! At the end of the day, I am very much looking forward to seeing how the pictures came out once when I drop off the film to be developed at B&H and I'll be sure to find a way to scan, save and upload to Flicker (not sure exactly when). I currently do not own a scanner and I'm not sure when I'm able to find time to use the scanner at LaGuardia Community College in the photography lab. I'm still planning on going back to college to earn an associate's degree in Commercial Photography or I may end up doing Commercial Photography Certificate.

"The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you." ~ B.B. King

Since I haven't completed my studies at LaGuardia Community College, I still have positive intentions of going back to college and earn my associate's degree in photography. I have my own personal goals before going back to school and I'm looking to pay off an existing student loan from when I was a student at TCI: College of Technology before they had closed down on September 01, 2017. Feel free to jump down the rabbit hole on why the college closed down. In time, I will make it into a reality of graduating from LaGuardia Community College with an associate's degree and not sure as of now whether if I'm looking to earn my bachelor's degree, we shall see when the time comes! I don't want to rush into anything, and I personally would feel it would be a waste of money if I'm not going to follow through (not throw or threw since a majority of you confuse the two words when you're using them in a text message, yes, they sound similar but they have different spellings and different definitions of each word, a little grammar knowledge for the ones who weren't paying any attention in English class during your formative years in school when it comes to proper grammar usage and I am trying to save you from pure embarrassment and humiliation for your lack of proper grammar) on going for a bachelorette degree but it is something I am taking into light consideration since I'm not anywhere near completing my studies at LaGuardia Community College. My time will soon arrive to officially decide what my next move will be. As the saying goes, reading is fundamental and it does help you become a better writer! Let that sink in because the more books you read, the better of a writer you will become and even if you're one of those people that hate reading books. I'm a prolific reader since elementary school with those free Pizza Hut rewards when I was younger. For the time being, I need to focus more on my health during this time and knock out these upcoming medical appointments, specifically dental! I'm not certain if it's a suspected root canal or a possible infection on my right side of my jaw which feels very uncomfortable yet swollen and especially when I'm looking forward to my beauty sleep at night.

I've had my Minolta X-370 since the spring semester of 2013, and this is my baby! Be well, stay hydrated, and be safe out there.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

When He Doesn't Show Up: Realizing Your Worth After Being Flaked On

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." ~ Mark Twain

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Not for nothing without putting my business out there, I recently met this guy, Wilfred on May 06, 2026, near Citi Field and we exchanged numbers. We were supposed to meet on May 17, 2026 at Starbucks in Union Square and I was the only one who showed up. I should have responded much differently by saying: "It was nice knowing you! Thanks for the ghosting experience - at least I know not to hold my breath next time. Best of luck out there!" or my other response would have been: "Thanks for standing me up! 🚩 Just a heads up, if the shoe was on the other foot and I did this to you, my phone would be blowing up with angry texts right now. 🙄" or the third response would have been: "Thanks for standing me up today. If you're an adult, you need to communicate plan changes earlier in the day. I deserve better than the silent treatment, especially when I could have been home spending time with my son. I know you've read my WhatsApp messages. If you don't like my communication style, feel free to permanently delete my number and never contact me again." Then Wilfred decides to hit me up the next day without apologizing for what happened the day before, and his sad excuse was he fell asleep which is bullshit (fuck you and your excuses). He also said, "Nice lips to kiss." I told him he missed his opportunity yesterday when I should have told him: "Reading my messages but choosing not to reply is a pretty weak excuse for standing me up yesterday. Don't act like you forgot what happened. If you want to make things right, step up and take accountability instead of playing games." Wilfred apologized by saying: "I'm so sorry" and I personally feel that he could have something along the lines of "I am so sorry I left you hanging last night" or "I know your time is valuable, and it was incredibly disrespectful of me to waste it." Instead of simply saying "We can go out" which sounds so fucking lame and yet generic at the same time. If he truly wants to take me out or whatever the fuck than he would or should say "I'd love to make it up to you by taking you out to dinner this weekend. Let me know what day and restaurant work best for you." and follow up by saying "I'm actively working on my time management, and I promise I will communicate much better in the future so this doesn't happen again." which is respectable if you think about it. If you're unable to meet, articulate that you're unable to make it earlier in the day so I'm not left hanging (just saying). I have included a picture of Wilfred and screenshots of our conversation we've had (I used this template on Instagram to set up the dialogue). I feel like if I were to give him a second chance to make things right, I'm sure it'll be a slim chance of him showing up and since he stood me up once, than chances are, he will be most likely to stand me multiple times. Part of me wants to give him a second chance out of curiosity and see if he'll keep his word by showing up. If not, it's best for us to distance ourselves from each other so we're not going back and forth on this situation going forward if he's serious about wanting to be with me. If he stands me up second time, I feel I've set myself up for disappointment when I deserve better and I'm not going to disrupt my mental health over this dude! There are plenty of guys out there that I can date whether he likes it or not since he's not paying my phone bill. If he genuinely doesn't like it, oh well, boo-hoo and go cry to your momma and tell her on how I broke your unhealed heart of yours. (*Note the sarcasm!*) All I have to say is I don't mind taking myself to a nail salon for some self-care, buy myself flowers, hold my own hand and what I am trying to say is I am a fan of Miley Cyrus' song titled: Flowers! Not to throw shade at him or this other guy who first stood me up ten months ago as well. Hey, it's your loss, not mine because you're missing out on an amazing person like me! 🤷🏽‍♀️ Some of you guys don't know how to communicate properly in a nature situation and if something comes up in advance, I completely understand if you're exhausted or whatever the situation may be because I could've made other plans to accommodate the plans we could've had and I would have had much more respect for you to speak up early on versus at the last minute or whatever the fuck. Don't get angry at me for even trying to communicate like a mature person should in their own right! Sit there and act like a child for all I care. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you will say this blog is completely uncalled for and I'm letting you women know in advance of guys like Wilfred and Joseph who recently stood me up.

"A second chance doesn't mean anything if you didn't learn from your first." ~ Anurag Prakash Ray

I honestly would give Wilfred a second chance, however, I don't know or rather I doubt I should trust him going forward and if this happened once, I am 100% certain this may occur again and again from him to the point I'd have to treat him like a child when I shouldn't fucking have to! If he cannot respect people's time and energy, he should absolutely remain single for the rest of his life because I feel people will feel that he isn't worthy of love and attention if he can't be mature enough to communicate with me or anyone else for that matter. We've only met once, he mentions he wants me and he can't stop thinking about me. He must tell other women this same story just to gas their heads up with lies and excuses just to get them in bed with him. I'm not buying into this narrative because I'm not incompetent. To say the least, I have to prioritize my health, making sure my son is taken care of first, and overall, I have to make sure everything at home is taken care of before I allow someone else into my life whether to make it better or worse case scenario, topsy-turvy. Topsy-turvy is something I can live without at this point in my life. Well, I highly doubt I will be seeing Wilfred any time soon. Nonetheless, if he genuinely wants me to give someone like him a second chance, and I will respond with this: I'm open to seeing if things can work, but I need to protect my peace and time. If you genuinely want this to work out, I need you to tell me three concrete reasons why I should give you a second chance. Going forward, what exact steps will you take to hold yourself accountable and ensure you don't stand me up when we make plans?

Here is a picture of Wilfred and the screenshots of our conversation the day after he stood me up on May 17, 2026! 🤔 I would give him a second chance but to what's extent without feeling like I have wasted my time and energy by giving him a second chance. I don't feel attracted to him and I'm already disappointed with his first impression of not showing up as he should. Well, it's his own loss for not showing up! 🤷🏽‍♀️ I would've added several screenshots of the conversation but didn't want people to get confused with what was being said [for those who are curious]. Part of me wants to give him a second chance just to see if he keeps his word and maybe I should string him along just to play games with him as he's doing with me!

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Unfiltered Motherhood: The Solo Journey

"A mother's love is everything. It is what brings a child into this world. It is what molds their entire being. When a mother sees her child in danger, she is literally capable of anything. Mothers have lifted cars off of their children and destroyed entire dynasties. A mother's love is the strongest energy known to man." ~ Jamie McGuire

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there. Since today is Mother's Day and since our experiences are different. I don't want people to have this impression and say that I'm "complaining" about something that is supposed to be beautiful and only if my experiences were different. I don't have any pregnancy pictures or a sonogram from my pregnancy. Believe me, I've attempted to ask for a sonogram but was told there wasn't any and I'm not certain if it is because I wanted to put my son up for adoption sixteen years ago. I don't know how much therapy can repair my pregnancy experience and I wish my pregnancy wasn't so traumatic. I was angry at myself mostly because I felt like I hadn't done enough to protect myself and I wish I had gotten my tubal ligation done years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if I had a gynecologist encouraging me to "wait" before I knew that sperm donor, Donald, even existed. I have always known that I've never wanted children for personal reasons, not everyone wants children for personal reasons, not everyone is fit to be parents (whether due to mental illness such as bipolar; schizophrenia; borderline personality disorder; just to name a few), and there are people should not bother to have children because of their shitty ass personality, specifically guys because most of you are so quick to run off into the sunset so you can live your best life while the mother of your child is sacrificing her body, her peace, her sleep, her social life, her love life, and her career for a pay cut while you're out there selfishly living your best life knowingly you've fucking destroyed her life and her body, for what? What the fuck are you getting out of this? That child will grow up feeling like they're inadequate, wondering what they have done wrong and feeling like there's something wrong with them when you're the problem that these children exist. Cut the excuses because life is too short for your sad excuses. I have my own reasons why I've never had that maternal desire to be a mom and one of those reasons is I don't need people doing the most traumatic things to my child leaving scars which would lead to sex/prostitution, drugs, and alcohol. When I got pregnant, I wanted to put my son up for adoption because I wasn't ready for motherhood and my son's father gave me an excuse that he wanted to distance himself because of my decision, but I decided to keep my son. 

"Mothers - especially single mothers - are heroic in their efforts to raise our nation's children, but men must also take responsibility for their children and recognize the impact they have on their families' well-being." ~ Evan Bayh

Being a single mom is no joke because there are many nights that are uneasy and there are moments that I'd love to do something nice for myself, such as going on date nights whether going on a date with someone or treating myself out to a movie and dinner. The idea of getting dressed up, saying "Fuck it!" and treat myself out to dinner and a movie or a Broadway show and a movie. Something nice. The sad reality, a lot of us or a handful of single moms don't have it easy because there is no support system to help and it's all work, work, work. When do we get to feel soft, loved, feminine, and the idea of feeling human! As single moms, we are humans too, we bleed the same, we deserve to feel happy, safe, loved, feminine and human. Yet, we're left feeling sad, frustrated, underappreciated and depleted. I don't want to say bitter because we are the ones hustling for that weekly income to ensure the rent is paid in full for the month; there's food in the refrigerator, the kids have clean clothes, and making sure the bills are paid in full for the moment. Meanwhile, the "fathers" are out there selfishly living their best lives, however, don't get angry when your own children you abandoned want nothing more to do with you because you were never there from birth until present day. I'm not going to sugarcoat anything to make you feel comfortable, nonetheless I will say it anyway. How do you sleep at night knowing you are supposed to go 50/50 on co-parenting? At the end of the day, you are a piece of shit as a "father figure." Make it make sense! If you're not looking to be celebrating Father's Day, please do yourselves a solid favor for everyone around you, either learn to take no as a final answer without question, your second option is to get yourself a vasectomy because that child you helped create did not ask to be born and they had not received that memo that they weren't supposed to even exist. Now that child is feeling a certain type of way about you! Your third option is to use protection as a form of contraception and condoms exist for two reasons. This is why pregnancy rate is the way it is and be mindful of STDs. Don't start complaining that you dislike wearing condoms because there are dishonest women out there who will cry wolf that you raped them while those who have genuinely experienced rape will unfortunately go unreported. I wouldn't be surprised if people start victim shaming the woman for getting raped. Once you become a dad, there is no return policy on newborns and there is no turning back either.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Recharging and Refocusing: What's Coming Next

"You are going to go through life either by design or by default." ~ Rick Warren

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Working two jobs is definitely not as bad as it sounds, but I'll be the first to admit it is incredibly exhausting at times. Still, it is deeply rewarding. Right now, I am balancing a fully-time role with the Parks Department alongside a part-time job retail job. Balancing both keeps me on my toes, but the ultimate goal is clear: I am actively searching for a sustainable, permanent full-time position within the Parks Department. Finding a single full-time role that covers the bills has been tough since I keep running into part-time openings, but I need a position that matches the cost of living here in New York City. It is a non-negotiable step to keep a roof over our head, take care of my son, and finally have the means to pour back into myself.

"Self-care equals success. You're going to be more successful if you take care of yourself and you're healthy." ~ Beth Behrs

Prioritizing My Health and Well-being

To show up fully for my future, I am putting my health at the very top of my priority list. I am committed to working out more and staying mindful of my diet to take better care of my body. My ultimate goal weight is 125 pounds. I know this transformation won't happen overnight and will take time, but I am focused on steady progress.

Part of taking care of my body means managing my diabetes more intentionally. I haven't tried Prince of Peace Blood Sugar Tea yet to help maintain my levels, but I plan to give it a try soon.

(Note: Always make sure to consult with your healthcare provider before introducing new herbal supplements like guava leaf or bitter melon, as they can interact with traditional diabetes medications).

Returning to Creative Roots

Beyond the daily grind, I am making space for the things that bring me genuine joy. I deeply miss being behind the camera, and I am making a promise to myself to blog more frequently and get back to shooting 35mm film. Even with NYC prices, I want to make room for the art I love, whether I'm loading up with Ilford, Kodak Portra, or CineStill film. I am giving myself the grace to know that my content won't be perfect every single time - and that is entirely okay.

"Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness." ~ Deborah Day

Headspace and Healing

People often ask about my dating life, but finding a partner can wait. Right now, my absolute focus is on securing that stable full-time career and optimizing my physical health before I even think about putting myself out there on the dating scene. I remain completely open to dating and love in the future, but relationships can wait until I am in a stronger headspace and fully healed from my past trauma. This chapter is entirely about rebuilding, recharging, and refocusing on the foundation of my life.

Blessed be,

Jennifer