Navigating Life Through the Lens: My Story, My Peace

"There was the life you lived, which consisted of the choices you made. And then, there was the other life, the one that was the things you hadn't chosen." ~ Gabriell Zevin

Welcome to my corner of the internet. If you are new here, grab a coffee (or a tea), get comfortable, and let me properly introduce myself.

My Roots and My Heart

I am a child of a Panamanian Air Force father and a Chinese mother, born in Arizona but brought back to Queens as a baby. I grew up in Queens with my mother and grandparents, who immigrated to the U.S. shortly after WWII. That heritage has always been a quiet, grounding force in my life - even if I mostly just understand Cantonese rather than speak it!

I am a Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp, a proud aunt/sibling, and an introvert through and through. I am also proudly asexual, bisexual, and navigate life without strict pronouns, as that is what feels most authentic to my experiences and who I am.

I'm an introvert at heart. If you are trying to date me, know this: I require a lot of time and patience to warm up. I may seem completely uninterested at first, but it is just my way of protecting my energy while I figure out who is safe.

Today, my time is focused on healing and self-improvement. I'm prioritizing my health, spirituality, and fitness. I've been journaling since junior high, and I love getting lost in a good novel or listening to music. But my truest therapy is writing and photography.

Life as Therapy: Photography and Writing

I have been journaling since junior high school. Writing, much like photography, is my ultimate therapy. It allows me to channel my artistic way of looking at the world. My camera of choice is my trusty Minolta X-370. I love shooting on Ilford, Kodak Portra, and the occasional CineStill film. When I need supplies, B&H Photo Video is my go-to, though I always hit up K&M Camera when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays.

Navigating Life's Chapters

My journey hasn't been easy. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault. From those dark moments came my beautiful son, who is on the autism spectrum. I want to be open about something important: I never had a natural maternal desire for motherhood. Not everyone does, and that is a valid, okay truth to embrace.

Today, my time is dedicated to healing and self-discovery. I am heavily prioritizing my health, my spirituality, working out, reading novels, and listening to music. I also happen to be a firm believer in the paranormal! Because my older sister and I didn't grow up in the same home, our relationship has been estranged and awkward, but I am taking life one day at a time.

If You're Looking to Connect...

I am a firm non-believer in the institution of marriage, and when it comes to dating, I move at my own pace. If we ever cross paths, please know that it takes a lot of time and patience for me to warm up to you. I may not seem interested in the beginning, and that is okay. I require genuine patience.

I'm also gearing up to eventually return to LaGuardia Community College to finish my associate's degree when the timing feels right.

And if sports ever come up? While I'm not a huge sports fan, I will always represent the Yankees and the Diamondbacks.

Thank you for reading and for holding space for my story. I'm excited to share more of my photography, writing, and life journey with you all.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Don't Stay in School

“Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.” ~ Malcolm X

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namaste. 🧘🏾‍♀️ I was watching this this television show, Right This Minute on Fox 5 and they showed this viral video: 'Don't Stay in School' of this guy talking about things that you do in the real world such as paying taxes; current events that's going on in the world. I agree with this guy because things like this you'd have to figure it out within your own life upon graduating high school. When I was in school, I wasn't taught how to balance a check book or anything of that nature and when it came down to using algebra, when at some point are we ever going to use algebra; calculus; geometry; and trigonometry? The only arithmetic we ever use in our everyday life are addition; subtraction; multiplication; and division. It's different if you're teaching math in school but all in reality, when will the average person going to use algebra beyond high school or college? I'm not sure what jobs that actually deal with all things mathematics other than accounting; retail (i.e. retail, restaurants, bodegas, etc) and just to name a few. For me personally, it's nice knowing algebra but as I feel that it is wasted knowledge if never used in the real world and keep in mind, I have a fourth grade math level, no matter how many times you explain it to me, I'm still going to be very much lost; confused; and frustrated. All things math is my kryptonite and all things involving reading and writing are my super powers so to speak. Just because math isn't my strong subject doesn't mean I'm incompetent but it doesn't mean that you have to treat me any different than the next person and end of story because I'm not going to convince anyone anything different. What I know is what I know and what you know is what you know, no one can take that knowledge away from either one of us. Yet, I agree, schools don't teach us how to get or find employment; showing us how to balance a check book or assist us in creating resumes and cover letters, ways to get past job interviews the first time around successfully or learning CPR. Nonetheless, I feel that teachers should teach students how to create their cover letters and resumes starting in their sophomore of high school so this way by the time the student is about to graduate high school, they would have already perfected their cover letters and resumes by then. Hopefully it's a useful suggestion to every school across America and globally but not limited to just public schools but expand the knowledge of knowing how to create cover letters and resumes to private schools and Yeshivahs if they haven't done so already. Give us the proper life saving skills in order for us to survive in the real world other than providing us the basic knowledge of knowing how to read; write; and do math. Also show us how to perform CPR because it's a life saving skill and it's a shame it's not even taught in all schools around the world. BoyInABand talks about how things are not being "used" in the real world beyond high school and college. 

 "In a world that is constantly changing, there is no one subject or set of subjects that will serve you for the foreseeable future, let alone for the rest of your life. The most important skill to acquire now is learning how to learn." ~ John Naisbitt

This dude had done a follow up video of 'Reacting to “Don’t Stay in School” hate comments' and you can find his videos on YouTube at BoyInABand. He makes a valid point because there are certain things the school systems don't teach you how to deal with a broken heart or teach you to be street smart but then at the same time be book smart, there are benefits of remaining in high school like graduating with your friends. I personally don't agree with dropping out of school just because you feel a certain way about education and I'd rather encourage people to do what they have to do and graduate, even if you don't have the grades to graduate on time. I'm rooting for you. Here's a clip from America's Top Model: ANTM - Tyra screams at contestant (Legendado) aka Tyra goes crazy! That's my message for those considering dropping out of high school. I understand if life got in the way such as cancer or pregnancy. I believe there's still hope for you. Either way as I see it, you're going to be in a classroom setting anyway getting your G.E.D when you can get your high school experience of over with is by sticking with it until graduation and it's understandable if life got in the way preventing you from graduating high school. Granted, there are parents who work two jobs just to make ends meet and may not have the time or the energy to properly teach their children how to accomplish the real world issues such as going out interacting with people in the community but as a collective, we have to do better. Both parents and teachers have to work together in case if the parents work two or three jobs to make ends meet in this day and age where the cost of living is uncomfortably expensive.

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing." ~ Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Board of Education should hire teachers who are genuinely invested in their students by being stern and I remember when I was attending Benjamin N. Cardozo High School, a lot of the English teachers I've had during my sophomore and junior years of high school, weren't strict. I started high school as a sophomore because I graduated from Louis Pasteur Middle School 67 from the ninth grade in June of 1998. I feel like the teachers were too freaking soft on us at the time and there was this one teacher I had, her name was Ms. Stecker, she was strict. She gave us homework every single day, Fridays included and although she taught special education at the time, she treated us like weren't special education students, she treated us as though we were college students. I'm not sure if that makes sense but I'm sure that sounded very confusing to a lot of you reading this. Now that I'm older, I appreciate Ms. Stecker because she wanted us to succeed in life and even though a lot of the writing is now via text messaging or emailing people, it's rare to see people actually writing letters or anything that includes paper and pen. Nowadays, it's not necessary for teachers to teach cursive writing to students and it would be great if penmanship was still encouraged in schools, as well as out in the world more so than the concept of technology both in schools and out in the community. Well, times have changed and life as we know it is not the same since I've graduated in 2001. I realize a lot has changed since I've graduated high school in June 2001 and there's pros and cons to this particular topic of what should be taught in all schools for that matter that will help people be productive members of society with the knowledge of knowing how to balance check books; creating cover letters and resumes; preparing for going on job interviews, etc. It's a plus if you're both book smart and as well as street smart then I'd call it survival. I don't expect many of you to agree with me and this is how I view the world through my eyes and draw my own conclusion. That's just me because I am my own person with a sound mind, body, and soul. 😋 When it comes down to all things algebra, when will we ever use algebra equations such as (-2 + 6) + (-8) = -2 + [6 + (-8)] or even 258 + (-43) -27 -(-145) out in the real world? 🤔 I highly doubt we will ever get to use algebra; geometry; calculus or trigonometry and I wonder what those have to do with the kind of math we use every day (addition; subtraction; division; and multiplication)? Maybe my way of thinking is wrong and I don't expect many of you to fully agree with me 100% but I am open to hearing your arguments out of respect. Keep all comments respectful and no bullying. It's okay to agree to disagree. In public schools don't teach us how to get jobs or pay taxes and I'm not sure how things are done in private schools since I've never attended private schools since it wasn't in my mom's budget at the time and she wasn't receiving the financial help from my biological father (although she allegedly claimed she had a court order that my father pays child support). Let's change our education systems here in America and as well as around the world each generation will be able to flourish and prosper!

This meme makes complete sense if you think about it! May as well just figure it out for yourselves. I'm not encouraging you to drop out but these things are not even taught in schools such as The Black Panther Party; Fred Hampton; Malcolm X or what they stood for. It's like you have to do your own research and it's interesting how they briefly teach students about Adolf Hitler. Think about it and you have to learn about The Black Panther Party from those who lived through that time period. Insane how the KKK still exist while The Black Panther Party dwindled away by 1980.

Warm blessings,

Jennifer

Welcome to My Lens: Life, Film, and Finding My Focus

"To me, photography is an art of observation. It's about finding something interesting in an ordinary place... I've found it has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them." ~ Elliot Erwitt

Hi, I'm Jennifer. To understand me, you have to understand the blend of where I come from and where I'm going. I'm a true child of the world - born to a Panamanian Air Force father and a Chinese mother in Arizona. But my roots are firmly planted in Queens, NY, where my mom and I moved after my parents separated. I grew up living with my grandparents, who immigrated to America from China after World War II, surrounded by the comforting background hum of Cantonese, even if I quite picked up the language myself.

Life hasn't always been a straight path. I have an older sister (a Leo!) whom I never grew up with, which has made our relationship a bit estranged and awkward, a direct result of the distance. I've also navigated heavy shadows in my life - surviving childhood abuse from my stepfather and a traumatic assault at 26. Those experiences, along with other men taking advantage of my trust over the years, left me with deep trust issues. But I don't let those chapters define me; they have shaped my resilience.

I'm a Scorpion/Sagittarius cusp, which feels fitting because I am deeply spiritual without adhering to any religion. I believe in the paranormal, but more than that, I believe in the healing power of art. Photography and journaling (a habit I've kept since junior high) are my ultimate therapy. They allow me to channel my artistic way of looking at the world.

Right now, I am a photography student at LaGuardia Community College, working on my associate's degree. My trusty Minolta X-370 is almost always by my side, loaded with Ilford black and white, Kodak Portra, or the occasional CineStill film. When I need to stock up, B&H Photo Video is my go-to, through K&M Camera is my perfect backup when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays.

Outside of taking photos, my life revolves around prioritizing my health, spirituality, reading novels, listening to music, and working out. You'll also catch me representing the Yankees and the Diamondbacks if sports are on, though I'm not a massive sports fan.

On a personal level, I am asexual and I am not a firm believer in marriage. I'm also a mom to an amazing son who is on the autism spectrum. I became pregnant with him following my assault, and I will be the first to tell you that I never had the maternal desire for motherhood. I love children, but from afar! It's a reminder that not everyone experiences the desire for motherhood, and that is perfectly okay.

If you are trying to date or connect with me, please know this: it takes time for me to warm up to you. I have my walls up for a reason, and even if I don't entirely seem uninterested in the beginning, it's just my way of protecting myself. It requires patience.

This blog is a space for me to share my journey, my journaling, and my film photography. Thank you for being here and taking the time to see the world through m lens.

Best regards,

Jennifer