Life as of Late: March Edition

 "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." ~ Steve Jobs

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ I'm not sure if this counts as for anything or if it makes sense, life has been a roller coaster ride as of late and I am making the best of this experience without putting my business out there completely, However, this involves my mother, Shiu and for the past year, she's been mismanaging her own health and I suppose the ancestors and the universe had other plans for her but by  all means, I suppose this is a blessing in disguise. I had plans of doing spiritual work on sending her out to Las Vegas, Nevada and have her spend whatever time she has with my sister, Gwen. With everything going on in my personal life, everything including all relationships/love life, as well as friendships and just know that I'm taking care of things before I focus/shift my attention, time and energy to enjoy the simplest things in life such as photography. I will mention this, I genuinely miss going on photography walks and yeah, I'll have people saying that I need to take care of my son, Stephan who is on the mild autism spectrum but is functional and verbal (thankfully). I'm sure there'll be people who will say that I need to prioritize my son and I feel sooner or later he will be doing for himself. Meaning, he'll have to go out and earn an income; I'm sure he'll want to go out with his peers or even go on dates, simple things as the things I've just mentioned without my presence being known. Essentially become independent in his own birth right and that's what I want for my son but not to sound negative or anything, I'm not always going to be around, but I'll be around spiritually to guide or teach when needed and protect. Let's not get this twisted, where did I say anything about something so negative regarding something natural and sacred. I feel that death should be feared by many since have zero control over what happens to us at the end of our lives!

"If you don't love yourself, nobody will. Not only that, you won't be good at loving anyone else. Loving starts with the self." ~ Wayne Dyer

I'm hoping to say this once and I'm fully aware that there are guys out there who would want love to be with me, I'm only going to assume one thing that most heterosexual "men" want to get me in bed with them and yeah, sex is normal if you weren't sexually abused by your own stepfather or have any guy approaching you just for having a vagina or getting raped and getting pregnant by the father of your child! With everything that I've experienced in my life, I can live the rest of my life without sex but there'll be natural moments that I need to release that sexual tension as needed when that desire feels natural to me, and I'm not looking to pick a random person off the streets to have sex with. However, I don't have anyone in mind since I have my personal reasons. I'm in no rush for a relationship and I do want to take my time because I don't want to feel like I'm "trying too hard" to enter a relationship and end up unhappy and miserable. I'm taking my time because I want to, I'm doing this for me, and I want to take care of myself first before I consider going on dates, etc. without coming off as selfish. Life is too short to live life with the wrong people, but you live, and you learn, right? I'll let everyone know now, I know I'm not ready to settle down just yet but let's revisit this conversation in about ten years or so, and I want to have my own adventures to put my curiosity at ease or rather quiet down my curiosity of the world. It'll be a bunch of 35mm film to last for about three weeks or so. At this point, I want to view these trips as self-care retreats and think of it this way, it'll feel like a spiritual retreat for the mind, body and soul. Away from people, the hustle and bustle of life here in New York City, it'll be good for the mind and I'm sure life would be a bit more enjoyable for me to be around people. There are moments that I want to enjoy time alone and there are moments I don't mind being around people. There's that balance if you know how to evenly balance each one out and I feel there are people for some reason have an issue with solitude in their own life, it may not make sense to me at the very moment. Maybe it's reason unknown to me as to why people are afraid to be in solitude (especially for both psychological and spiritual reasons) and I may not fully understand their reasons just as much as I enjoy being single! I fully enjoy spending time in solitude and as well as being around people. I enjoy spending time alone because being around people for any long periods of time is and can be draining to me, no questions asked.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

16 Reasons You Should be Talking About Fitness Challenge

"If we could give every individual the right amount of nourishment and exercise, not too little and not too much, we would have found the safest way to health." ~ Hipporates

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ I've been working out for the last eleven months since I'm looking to lose weight and I'm at that point that I'm becoming discouraged since I feel like I haven't seen anything different. If need be, I'm looking to join Planet Fitness but my intentions are there as to why I want to work out, and I'd say the same for Tiger Schulmann's Martial Arts. I have my reasons why I want to take up martial arts, and I feel like I'm getting more for the buck so to speak. Another thing is if I were to take up martial arts but I'm not sure it's not all that necessary to do yoga as well and I figured it'll be the best health investment I can make one can make for themselves. For those who are on a budget and live in the New York City area, there is a Shape Up NYC, a lot of these programs are free to try, especially for the curious. This blog took me a while to write because I wanted to make sure I have what I wanted to say sound interesting and also make mention of what videos worked for me before feeling like I want to take it to the next step up, such as joining a Planet Fitness or a Tiger Schulmann's Martial Arts or Renzo Gracie Academy since I have a curiosity towards Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai. My main goal is to make sure my bank account is plentiful should something arise, such as unemployment or whatever the situation may come up. My goal is to go at my own pace, so I'm not so easily discouraged and purely frustrated. Of course, there'll be days where I'll become very discouraged and frustrated, disappointed but I'm determined to get my personal goal because I'm doing this for me, myself, and I since this feels natural. What I mean I want my fitness journey to feel as natural as possible is that this feeling should come from within and nothing else. I have my reasons on why I work out is because I am doing for me; I want to feel good about myself. I'm doing this for me, myself; and I; I want to stop the negative cycle of body image issues and passivity embrace my body so I can be a better version of myself before I become a better version to other people.

-Weight Loss Journey-

"Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn't formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them." ~ Lee Haney

As most of you already know, I've been focused on getting in shape and for the first time in over five plus years my weight has gone from 201.4 pounds down to 196.6 pounds since January of this year! I'm currently taking Jardiance for my diabetes and when I'm at my goal weight of 125 pounds, I no longer plan on taking Jardiance since there are side effects involved. However, let's see where life takes me in the upcoming months. As much walking I have done this past year, I'm surprised and a bit disappointed I haven't lost more! I don't eat a whole lot of sweets or carbs; I eat enough carbs, but I don't overdo it and I just eat a small portion of carbs. Very rare I crave sweets, but when I do consume sweets, I eat sweets in a mindful way. Talk of dieting should be for a separate blog and this is more of a fitness bog than anything. I've found several fitness videos that made me feel sore for several days which is what I'm looking for as a result, and I enjoy feeling sore when working out. I'm doing this for me, no one else and I want to feel good. Reasons why I work out is because of sleep (I have mild sleep apnea), I want to improve my self-esteem; reduce risk of surgery (if need be), I hope to increase my metabolic rate; increase my metabolic rate, increase my range of motion, increase functional strength; I'm looking to improve balance and coordination, I've taken notice that exercise helps with my depression, I want to control my weight and since I'm in my early 40's, it's a challenge to drop my pregnancy weight and keep it off, another goal is to reduce aches and pains, lose hidden body fat; I want to improve my energy level and for longer; I'm also looking to strengthen my back and core muscles so I'm not preventing any discomfort of back pain; I want to change my body shape; I want to feel good about myself in my own skin, a.k.a. feeling confident in my own skin; Boost my flexibility through yoga/stretching; and I want to live as long as I can because I want to accomplish more in life. I still have places in the world I so want to visit but let's start with Japan first! If you wish to keep track of your fitness journey, here is a Six-Month Body Measurement Tracking Chart you can print out for your own records! I recently purchased Booty Bands for Working Out, Fabric Resistance Bands for Working Out Women Thigh Bands for Workout Bands Resistance for Women Resistance Bands for Leg Bands for Working Out Woman Glute Bands for Women from Amazon and I love it! I have another resistance band but for upper body fitness routine. My main weight loss goal is to get my weight down to 125 pounds and will go at my own pace, I'm in no rush to lose a lot of weight but only to gain that weight back on! All that effort, for what? I'm doing this for me. Main areas I'd love to focus on are abs (oh my gosh, have you seen Janet Jackson's abs when she did the All for You tour, and Angela Bassett's arms, here's an article from Entertainment Weekly, An ode to Angela Bassett's arms - and the power they possess. As most of you may be unaware, respectfully speaking, I'm a fan of Janet Jackson (and would love. love, love to see Janet Jackson on her next tour) whether or not she's been blacklisted from whatever an event may be since that whole Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show featuring Justin Timberlake. I'm sorry, I've lost all respect for Justin Timberlake more so now than nine years ago. Justin Timberlake [as I feel] should be the one to be blacklisted from music and movies, not Janet Jackson. Not the case, I need to focus on myself, health wise for the most part.

-Information-

"There is a moment when you get older when your metabolism slows down and you don't feel like working out anymore, so you don't want to keep yourself fit anymore, but that's your decision. Why should you be judged for it?" ~ Janet Jackson

If you wish to learn more about yoga and here are five pieces of information you can view at your own leisure. Three of them are YouTube videos in regard to yoga with an article of yoga and the other are articles of yoga. I wish you the best of luck on your fitness journey and be sure to set realistic fitness goals for yourself. Go at your own pace and that's the best way to go about. For those who are on the fence in regards on whether to begin your yoga experience and here are some videos I've watched for you to view or read at your own leisure! From the times I've done yoga [at home], it's very relaxing and I enjoy doing yoga. Here is: What Happens to Your Brain and Body When You Do Yoga Regularly. I want to also include these videos and articles for you to check out at your own time. Yoga and its connection to mental health | Nikolai Blinow | TedxSalveReginaU; The Health Benefits of Yoga - How Yoga Helps You Stay Healthy | Sadhguru; 8 Lesser-Known Benefits of Yoga; 20 Wall Pilates Benefits: You'll Wish You Knew About These Sooner! and Wall Pilates is the new low-impact exercise everyone's trying - but is it worth your time? At the end of the day, your own research is entirely up to you and I'm not going to force anyone to do yoga. Yet, it is very relaxing at the end of the day, and I have my own reasons why I'd want to do more yoga in the evening before bed! It's good to have Ignite by SPRI Resistance Cord and Tone It Up Exercise Sliders N' Sculpt Discs for Toning, Set of 2, Teal. Here are two additional workouts to go with the Resistance band and sliders discs: 12 min RESISTANCE BAND ARM WORKOUT | Upper Body | All Standing and CORE STRENGTH AND BALANCE SLIDER SCULPT WORKOUT. There are additional videos to go with these items on YouTube to view at your own leisure!

-Videos I've Tried Out in 2023-

"Number one, like yourself. Number two, you have to eat healthy. And number three, you've got to squeeze your buns. That's my formula." ~ Richard Simmons

Last but not least! Here are some of these YouTube channels I follow during my free time while my mother is out running her errands: fitbymik; getfitbyivana; MADFit; Mary Braun; and Mr. London. I do what I can while I have the apartment to myself while my mom is running her errands and it's not much time, so I squeeze what I can into a half hour to forty-five minutes, often an hour if I'm fortunate enough without taking breaks!

1. 5 min WARM UP ROUTINE Before Your Workout | Low Impact | Wrist Friendly
2. 25 min STANDING DUMBBELL WORKOUT | Full Body | Lower and Upper Body Routine | No Repeats
3. 5 min COOL DOWN STRETCH ROUTINE | After Workout | Muscle Recovery
4. 10 min TRICEPS WORKOUT with Dumbbells | No Pushups
   
5. 10 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | Biceps, Triceps and Shoulders | Zero Pushups
6. 12 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | No Pushups 
7. 15 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | Upper Body
8. 15 min STANDING ARMS AND ABS WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | Upper Body | No Repeats
9. 20 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | No Pushups
10. STANDING TONED ARMS & BACK In Just 10 Mins/Days ~ Lose Back + Arm Fat Faster (Weights vs. No Weights) 
11. 10 Min ABS + SMALL WAIST | All Standing - No Jumping, No Repeat, Warm Up + Cool Down, At Home
    
12. 10 Minute Flat Abs Workout for Insane Results!
    
13. 10 min BRA BULGE & BACK FAT WORKOUT | Chest, Back & Arms
14. 5 min GROW YOUR BOOTY WORKOUT // No Squats No Equipment
    
15. 10 MIN LEG/BOOTY/THIGH WORKOUT (No Equipment Killer Legs)
16. 30 MIN PILATES FOR WEIGHT LOSS | best calories burn,
17. 20 MIN ABS & BOOTY - on the floor, no squats/lunges, you will feel it in your abs if done properly!
    

Back Fat Blaster!!! // Upper Body Workout with Weights
BACK & BRA BULGE 5 Min. Workout | Lose Back Fat in 2 WEEKS!! (No Equipment / Upper Body Burn).

Best of luck to those achieving your own personal fitness goals! 😘

-Lower Body Workout-

"The clock is ticking. Are you becoming the person you want to be?" ~ Greg Plitt

This is for those who want to focus on lower body as well if you wish to check some of these videos out to further your fitness goals.

1. 10 MIN TONED INNER THIGH WORKOUT - effectively target the inner part of your legs (dumbbell only) This is my go-to inner thigh exercise routine!
   
2. 10 min | 10 Days | 10 Exercises to GROW BUBBLE BUTT - Intense Booty Challenge
3. 10 Min Slim Inner + Outer Thighs | All Standing Workout, No Jumping, No Repeat, No Equipment 
4. 20 min LOWER BODY WORKOUT | With Dumbbells (And without) | Low Impact | Legs and Booty
5. BOOTY & LEG BUILDING KETTLEBELL WORKOUT
6. IF YOU HAVE CELLULITE... (WATCH THIS!)

-Upper Body Workout-

"Setting goals is the first step into turning the invisible into the visible." ~ Tony Robbins

More for your goals! Whatever your personal goals are, continue your hard work and you will see results. Keep in mind, weight loss will not happen overnight but with time and be patient because you will see results. Even if you may not see your desired results right away, I'm sure others will take notice of your weight loss. I'm proud of you for making it this far with your fitness goals and keep pushing forward. Make realistic goals for yourselves.

1. LADIES, STOP DOING ABS !? [DO THIS FIRST]
2. FUPA SHRED In 30 Days | New Year Workout Challenge! (2023)
3. 2 in 1 FLAT STOMACH AND ROUND BOOTY Workout | (30 Min)
4. 7 DAY CHALLENGE - 10 MIN WORKOUT TO LOSE BELLY FAT | AB WORKOUT TO LOSE INCHES!
5. 10 MIN LOVE HANDLES AND LOWER BELLY FAT WORKOUT Standing Only | No Equipment!
6. 10 min STANDING ABS WORKOUT | One Dumbbell | Low Impact | Beginner Friendly 
7. 10 min RESISTANCE BAND ARM WORKOUT | Tone Your Upper Body

 -Full Body Workout-

"Don't wait until you've reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching the goal." ~ Unknown

I'm going to end it here before I end up adding more videos for you to do. If you're looking for a workout challenge, check out fitbymlk since she has some decent workout challenges and feel free to check them out at your own leisure! Keep at it and challenge yourselves because it will pay off in the end, keep pushing yourself. Be mindful on your diet as well.

1. WEEK 1 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
2. WEEK 2 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
3. WEEK 3 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
4. WEEK 4 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
5. WEEK 5 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
6. WEEK 6 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
7. WEEK 7 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
8. WEEK 8 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE

Extremely Powerful Fat Burn Frequency || 295.8 Hz || Weight Loss Binaural Beats, Burn Fat Cells.

If you are looking to revitalize your routine, here are 16 reasons why committing to a fitness challenge is a total game-changer:

1. It Shatters Plateaus: Breaking out of your regular routine shocks your body and forces it to adapt, helping you bust through frustrating weight loss or strength plateaus.
2. Built-In Accountability: It is much easier to skip a workout when you only know about it. Challenges keep you on the hook.
3. Strong Community Support: When you join a challenge, you get to connect with like-minded individuals who share tips, struggles, and celebrations.
4. Clear Structure: Say goodbye to guesswork. A challenge tells you exactly what to do, how long to do it, and when to rest.
5. The Power of Friendly Competition: Tapping into your natural competitive edge - especially through leaderboards or group milestones - motivates you to dig a little deeper.
6. Long-Term Habit Formation: Research suggests that it takes a few weeks to form new behaviors; challenges give you the perfect runway to build habits that stick.
7. Boosts Mental Health: Regular physical activity reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression while giving your mood a massive natural lift.
8. Increases Energy Levels: Combatting midday fatigue is easier when you commit to daily movement.
9. Enhanced Self-Confidence: Pushing past doubts and hitting your weekly goals builds a resilient, "can-do" mindset.
10. Speeds Up Results: Challenges often combine nutrition and intense, target training to help you see visible results faster.
11. Forces You Out of Your Comfort Zone: You will be exposed to new exercises and classes you might never have tried otherwise.
12. Teaches Goal Setting: Challenges train you to set reasonable, attainable milestones rather than overwhelming yourself.
13. Better Sleep Quality: Expending physical energy during the day helps you fall asleep faster and achieve deeper, more restorative rest.
14. Develops a Structured Routine: It creates an organized framework that seamlessly fits exercises into your busy daily life.
15. Taps Into the "Finish Line" Effect: There is a definite start and an end point, making tough training block feel incredibly manageable.
16. Builds Physical Capability: You'll be amazed at how much stronger and more capable you feel in your everyday life.

Ready to get moving? Find a program that matches your current fitness level and discover how a little challenge can completely transform your routine. If you're exploring new workouts, you can use fitness tracking tools like Strava to start your own community challenge or log your daily goals!

 

 Blessed be,

Jennifer

The Photography Life

"It's about reacting to what you see, hopefully without preconception. You can find pictures anywhere. It's simply a matter of noticing things and organizing them. You just have to care about what's around you and have a concern with humanity and the human comedy." ~ Elliott Erwitt

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namaste. It's been a year, three months and twenty-four hours since I've been on a photography walk. I miss going on photography walks because it's so very therapeutic and relaxing! Last time I've gone on a photography walk was in Long Island City here in Queens (October 2021) and a long story short, I got to see Blue Bloods being filmed not far from the Pepsi Cola sign. Several years ago, I had a dream I met Donnie Wahlberg but it was on a school bus. In this particular scene, Donnie Wahlberg was in a scene with Steve Schirripa (he played Bobby Baccalieri on The Sopranos). Michael Imperioli (he played Christopher Moltisanti on The Sopranos) was also from The Sopranos, and I believe he's had three episodes on Blue Bloods as Robert Lewis. Anyway, it was a pretty cool experience, and it was my second time seeing a scene being filmed. In 2009, I got to see Nicolas Cage film a scene with Alfred Molina in The Sorcerer's Apprentice and Nicolas Cage looks the same in person as he does on television and movies. At the time I seen The Sorcerer's Apprentice being filmed around Worth Street near the birth certificate office. My camera is currently out of commission and if I'm unable to have my trusty sidekick, Minolta X-370 repaired, then I may as well invest in another Minolta [35mm] camera so the 50mm and Minolta 70-210/4 MD zoom lens won't go to waste. I had purchased the Minolta 70-210/4 MD zoom lens at Adorama in 2014 for $49 bucks instead of $59 dollars and it's a pretty cool lens. I'm looking to find a prime lens for film photography. When I've finally paid off any [and all] debt, I'd have to take a trip to K&M Camera on Orchard Street and browse around for a bit and I'm that kind of shopper who will take my time who will take my time because I don't want to go home then realize I forgot something! Going on photography walks can be very therapeutic if gone alone and I'm not afraid to do things alone such as going on photography walks, however, I don't mind the company but would prefer to go alone to clear my mind. Again, I'm not afraid to go alone on photography walks and a great way for me to recharge my mind. Yet, I don't mind extending the invitation but on the other hand, I enjoy my own company a majority of the time. Expect random snapshots of you and I will ask you if you're cool with the idea of me adding you to my project, no one will know who you are if you make the cut. The invitation is only extended to those who are interested in going with me.

"If you photograph for a long time, you get to understand such things such as body language. I often do not look at people I photograph, especially afterwards. Also when I want a photo, I become somewhat fearless, and this helps a lot. There will always be someone who objects to being photographed, and when this happens you move on." ~ Martin Parr

I would love to get back into photography as soon as possible because other than photography; writing is my escape from this reality. Away from my own mother because of how she is and it's impossible for me to have an active social life. I feel like it's one of those: "If I can't have you around than no one can!" so, she tells me: "Who's going to watch your son?" or she'll say "You find a babysitter" when I recently told her that a colleague, Camille and I are planning to go to Atlantic City, New Jersey for several days. I told her I can save up from now until April when she asked me where I was going to get the money and it's a challenge being a single mom with a single income (no support system from anyone), no encouragement from my mother and no financial help from my son's father. I can't do much in a social setting such as having a girl's weekend at Atlantic City for several days. For sanity's sake, if I have to, I'll give my mother some bullshit excuses that I'm going to do live in home health attendant so I can spend several (three to four) days at the casinos. This is a blog for another time.

"If a day goes by without my doing something related to photography, it's as though I've neglected something essential to my existence, as though I had forgotten to wake up." ~ Robert Mapplethorpe

When time permits itself, I'll search for a Minolta camera so the 50mm and 70-210/4 MD zoom lens wouldn't go to waste. I know it's not the right timing to go shopping for a camera and for the moment I'd research which locations to check out. My main intention is to finally finish my project I began spring semester 2013 and I can't wait to finally finish my project. At least (in hopes) that this will give me the head start on where I'd want to go, and this is providing if the vaccine mandate is ever lifted. I've found this article from B&H, by all means, this article is from 2016 titled: Five Great Photography Location In New York City. Another article is 29 Best Photography Locations in NYC; 60+ Best Photography Locations in NYC: Tourist Classics & Hidden Spots. I'm open to checking out Calvary and Green Wood Cemeteries since I have this morbid fascination with cemeteries for the longest. I do want to hold down a photo shoot in a cemetery and hopefully in time I can stop by at Cypress Hills Cemetery in Brooklyn so I can visit my grandparents' graves. Speaking of my grandparents, there's something I need to do and light some tea light candles in order for spiritual work to manifest into reality. Maybe the universe is saying "Be patient, your time will come..." and hopefully with time I get to shop around for a Minolta camera so I can resume with photography walks. I'm very much looking forward in going on photography walks for therapeutic reasons and I honestly enjoy spending time alone. I've found a website for a group street photography workshop on Shoot New York City and for those residing outside of New York City and would like to come to New York City for a day or a week to go work on your photography, best to Google search where to go. My favorite place is Manhattan because there's so many places to check out if you're curious and adventurous enough to check out various different places, second is Queens than Brooklyn and the Bronx.

"There is a creative fraction of a second when you are taking a picture. Your eyes must see a composition or an expression that life itself offers you, and you must know with intuition when to click the camera. That is the moment the photographer is creative. Oop! The Moment! Once you miss it, it is gone forever." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

Hopefully by the time I've paid off any of my existing debt, I'll be able to buy a blender so I can make my green smoothies, as well as dropping off the film I've already used at B&H. I also want to focus on other photography projects as well and being able to self-publish on Blurb Books. I have several projects lined up and one of them is music themed book of where I go to several different music venues in the Lower East Side. As I always do, before I check out these places and before I invest my time and energy into going to these music venues, I check these bands on YouTube to see if they're worth my time [and amount of money spent on buying film]. I like the vibe at Rockwood Music Hall on Allen Street and there is another music venue of interest, Arlene's Grocery on Stanton Street. For this particular photography project, it'll be five different music with five different live performances, and it'll be similar but different than my first two projects. It'll be two projects each, meaning two street photography books and two live performances each, two books will be in black and white and two will be in color. Another place I haven't been to in a very long time is Madame Tussauds New York and I've been there once in 2003 (by the way, it was pretty fun).

"The golden rule is work fast. As for framing, composition, focus - this is no time to start asking yourself questions: you just have to trust your intuition and the sharpness of your reflexes." ~ Jacques-Henri Lartigue

With my project I've started during my spring semester of 2013 at LaGuardia Community College and it's going on ten years in March, something I'd want to finish my project. My current issue is that I need a scanner of interest is very expensive but will take several months to roughly set money on the side for and at the time of this blog, the Epson Perfection V850 Pro Scanner costs $1,299 before tax and before manufacturer warranty. If I were to get the Allstate protection plan for three years, it would be an extra $129.99 for three years and not sure about the protection plan. Since I don't have the appropriate space in my bedroom, it'll have to wait until I have a place of my own and for the time being, I can live without the scanner because it's not a national emergency. For now, I'd have to learn Photoshop and best way is to go on YouTube and learn! Until I feel confident enough to take it to the next level which would be booking for photo shoots [as well as looking for employment opportunities in the photography field] and at this point, I'm ready but then at the same time I'm not ready. For now, I'd have to go to Bushwick Community Darkroom to use their scanner and they've relocated from Troutman Street and their new home is on Melrose Street.

 

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Navigating Life Through the Lens: My Story, My Peace

"There was the life you lived, which consisted of the choices you made. And then, there was the other life, the one that was the things you hadn't chosen." ~ Gabriell Zevin

Welcome to my corner of the internet. If you are new here, grab a coffee (or a tea), get comfortable, and let me properly introduce myself.

My Roots and My Heart

I am a child of a Panamanian Air Force father and a Chinese mother, born in Arizona but brought back to Queens as a baby. I grew up in Queens with my mother and grandparents, who immigrated to the U.S. shortly after WWII. That heritage has always been a quiet, grounding force in my life - even if I mostly just understand Cantonese rather than speak it!

I am a Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp, a proud aunt/sibling, and an introvert through and through. I am also proudly asexual, bisexual, and navigate life without strict pronouns, as that is what feels most authentic to my experiences and who I am.

I'm an introvert at heart. If you are trying to date me, know this: I require a lot of time and patience to warm up. I may seem completely uninterested at first, but it is just my way of protecting my energy while I figure out who is safe.

Today, my time is focused on healing and self-improvement. I'm prioritizing my health, spirituality, and fitness. I've been journaling since junior high, and I love getting lost in a good novel or listening to music. But my truest therapy is writing and photography.

Life as Therapy: Photography and Writing

I have been journaling since junior high school. Writing, much like photography, is my ultimate therapy. It allows me to channel my artistic way of looking at the world. My camera of choice is my trusty Minolta X-370. I love shooting on Ilford, Kodak Portra, and the occasional CineStill film. When I need supplies, B&H Photo Video is my go-to, though I always hit up K&M Camera when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays.

Navigating Life's Chapters

My journey hasn't been easy. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault. From those dark moments came my beautiful son, who is on the autism spectrum. I want to be open about something important: I never had a natural maternal desire for motherhood. Not everyone does, and that is a valid, okay truth to embrace.

Today, my time is dedicated to healing and self-discovery. I am heavily prioritizing my health, my spirituality, working out, reading novels, and listening to music. I also happen to be a firm believer in the paranormal! Because my older sister and I didn't grow up in the same home, our relationship has been estranged and awkward, but I am taking life one day at a time.

If You're Looking to Connect...

I am a firm non-believer in the institution of marriage, and when it comes to dating, I move at my own pace. If we ever cross paths, please know that it takes a lot of time and patience for me to warm up to you. I may not seem interested in the beginning, and that is okay. I require genuine patience.

I'm also gearing up to eventually return to LaGuardia Community College to finish my associate's degree when the timing feels right.

And if sports ever come up? While I'm not a huge sports fan, I will always represent the Yankees and the Diamondbacks.

Thank you for reading and for holding space for my story. I'm excited to share more of my photography, writing, and life journey with you all.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Personal Choices

"We believe in personal choice, rather than society dictating how must live our lives." ~ Mike Peters

For some women, it's a personal choice of whether if we want children or not and for most (men or women) who struggle with infertility while other women either murder their newborn or they abandon them at birth or they brave it out through adoption for their own personal reasons (may it be through rape/incest, an "Oops! I'm pregnant!" or they're simply not ready for motherhood) or whatever reason, they know they're healthy enough to conceive. I ended up getting pregnant in 2009, it was hard to pin point when I got pregnant since I've had a history of irregular menstrual cycles (past and present) and when I wanted to go for an abortion, it was too late to for an abortion. For the remainder of my pregnancy, I was depressed, angry, bitter, confused, lost, embarrassed, and a good part of me wanted to die and yet disappear. With my sons father, he had only showed up to two of my doctor's appointments and rest of the time, he'd send me text messages about an hour before my scheduled appointment that he wasn't "able to make it in time." I recently had my OG/BYN appointment this past week and had inquired about contraceptives (to be more specific, the Intrauterine Device or IUD for short), I was told to wait until I was going through my menstrual cycle before I could go for the contraceptives. At first I thought it was rather odd figuring I had just finished my menstrual cycle about several days earlier and never considered having to wait until I have my next menstrual cycle before I go for the contraceptive. I’m going to let all you guys who may be reading this blog that are looking to me for a quick sexual fix (in case if you’re single or already in a committed relationship on where your significant other just isn’t giving you the sexual satisfaction you’re looking for at home), I have had a history of history menstrual cycle in the past and yes, I still experience irregular menstrual cycles which can be scary at times (depending on who I am). I do like children but never had any interested of wanting to be a mom at any given moment in life but over all, I enjoyed my freedom of not having children. I have told people my personal interest of wanting to have my tubes tied, people’s response was: “You may change your mind when you meet the right guy.” And I personally doubt it because I have already made up my mind about not wanting to experience pregnancy, ever. It’s a matter of personal choices we make in life, for example, we make personal choices of being with certain people whether if they’re good for us or not, so choose wisely in who you hang out with and especially for the women who are sexually active because you don’t want to be with the wrong guy if he gets you pregnant then he runs for the nearest exit without return once when you say those magical words: “I’m pregnant.” At press time, it’s something I don’t need and whether if you agree with me or not, it’s my personal decision. It should be my own right to decide for myself.

I haven’t lived life yet but I want to live life, explore the world, gather myself (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and as well as career wise), have a clear mind/conscious, being able to feel comfortable but confident in my own skin and figure out what I want in life before I settle down. I want to accomplish something in life with hopes that I can lay my head down at night knowing I’ve made small accomplishments for day and so far, I haven’t made any serious accomplishments. I have trust issues when it comes to men: My biological father was never around much when I was growing up but I knew who he was (he passed away from a brain aneurysm earlier this year) so I’ve never had a father/daughter relationship with him, my stepfather sexually molested me in the early ‘90s while my mother was either in culinary school or in bed sleeping (Yes, my mother has known about this for the last three/four years but she didn’t do shit meaning going to a lawyer for divorce papers or anything, I’m assuming she doesn’t care about me so there is something wrong with my mother) and my sons father bailing on me during my pregnancy. By choice, I chose NOT to get pregnant in the future because I have no desire to get pregnant in the future and on the same token, I am not getting any younger, I want to be able to (try to) enjoy life without the guilt and frustrations. The idea of having my own biological children sounds nice but by choice, I have no deep desire in having to experience another pregnancy in years to follow. Yet, in my own right, it’s my choice, my life, my body, and my decision alone in not wanting to get pregnant in the future.

I can picture people saying: “Just one more!” Deep down, I’m skeptical because of how I emotionally handled my first pregnancy and I was feeling very negative towards pregnancy. If I’m meant to have one child in this life, let it be the way it is and end of story. So far, I’m comfortable with the idea of having one child for now and I have no plans to experience round two of pregnancy any time soon! If I were to change my mind on having another child in the future, it has to be with the right guy and once when I’m established with a steady income, career, as well as being comfortable, confident and secure in my own skin. To me, that’s important with the idea of being/feeling comfortable, confident, secure, knowing where you’re at in life and being completely sure of yourself in your own skin can be attractive without coming off as condescending. Lastly, I’ve been trying to Google search contraceptives (IUD’s actually), so far in my reads, some of the websites mention nada about having the IUD inserted while you’re on your menstrual cycle. I haven’t found anything that answered my question on whether or not if you need to be on your menstrual cycle in order to go for the IUD procedure.

 

Warm blessings,

Jennifer

Welcome to My Lens: Life, Film, and Finding My Focus

"To me, photography is an art of observation. It's about finding something interesting in an ordinary place... I've found it has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them." ~ Elliot Erwitt

Hi, I'm Jennifer. To understand me, you have to understand the blend of where I come from and where I'm going. I'm a true child of the world - born to a Panamanian Air Force father and a Chinese mother in Arizona. But my roots are firmly planted in Queens, NY, where my mom and I moved after my parents separated. I grew up living with my grandparents, who immigrated to America from China after World War II, surrounded by the comforting background hum of Cantonese, even if I quite picked up the language myself.

Life hasn't always been a straight path. I have an older sister (a Leo!) whom I never grew up with, which has made our relationship a bit estranged and awkward, a direct result of the distance. I've also navigated heavy shadows in my life - surviving childhood abuse from my stepfather and a traumatic assault at 26. Those experiences, along with other men taking advantage of my trust over the years, left me with deep trust issues. But I don't let those chapters define me; they have shaped my resilience.

I'm a Scorpion/Sagittarius cusp, which feels fitting because I am deeply spiritual without adhering to any religion. I believe in the paranormal, but more than that, I believe in the healing power of art. Photography and journaling (a habit I've kept since junior high) are my ultimate therapy. They allow me to channel my artistic way of looking at the world.

Right now, I am a photography student at LaGuardia Community College, working on my associate's degree. My trusty Minolta X-370 is almost always by my side, loaded with Ilford black and white, Kodak Portra, or the occasional CineStill film. When I need to stock up, B&H Photo Video is my go-to, through K&M Camera is my perfect backup when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays.

Outside of taking photos, my life revolves around prioritizing my health, spirituality, reading novels, listening to music, and working out. You'll also catch me representing the Yankees and the Diamondbacks if sports are on, though I'm not a massive sports fan.

On a personal level, I am asexual and I am not a firm believer in marriage. I'm also a mom to an amazing son who is on the autism spectrum. I became pregnant with him following my assault, and I will be the first to tell you that I never had the maternal desire for motherhood. I love children, but from afar! It's a reminder that not everyone experiences the desire for motherhood, and that is perfectly okay.

If you are trying to date or connect with me, please know this: it takes time for me to warm up to you. I have my walls up for a reason, and even if I don't entirely seem uninterested in the beginning, it's just my way of protecting myself. It requires patience.

This blog is a space for me to share my journey, my journaling, and my film photography. Thank you for being here and taking the time to see the world through m lens.

Best regards,

Jennifer