Fulfiling Family Expectations

"A boy needs a father to show him how to be in the world. He needs to be given swagger, taught how to read a map so that he can recognize the roads that lead to life and the paths that lead to death, how to know what love requires, and where to find steel in the heart when life makes demands on us that are greater than we think we can endure." ~ Ian Morgan Cron

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏾‍♀️ I've decided to completely redo this blog so people aren't left with a negative impression of a "hate" filled blog degrading deadbeats, sperm donors if you will, no good, a bag full of excuse making selfish little boys, and don't start your nonsense when you haven't done anything for the mother of your children, she's basically sacrificing her health, her social life, her love life, even her own happiness, and her career on hold just to raise these children you have zero interest of being around as a father and holding yourself accountable for helping bring a child into this world when the child wasn't asked to be born! For the real men who are there for their children from day one, never once made any sad but sorry excuse after excuse for not stepping up to the plate, never making any sacrifices and I will say is that I am very much proud of the real men who were always there for their children. It is very attractive when I see men interact by being present and downright being there for their children, whether if your children are yours biologically, spiritually or legally, that's attractive when men are genuinely hands on as a father. What truly gets me upset [in a disappointing kind of way] is that the child will make the decision whether if they want a father - child relationship and it's wonderful in a happy way to see men step up to the plate, whether if they want to be actively involved with their own children. As far as those who skip town upon hearing the news that they'd be celebrating Father's Day and it's not right that some or rather a majority of the male population would rather have their cake and eat it. For those who have zero interest in fatherhood for whatever reason or whatever sorry excuse you currently have, please do yourselves and the rest of us women a solid favor, please get a fucking vasectomy or use some form of birth control. No excuses because future generations need positive family morals of what a family should be and what a real man should be. Hey, the truth fucking hurts!

For the single dads out there doing what needs to be done, I know it's not easy but here you are doing and giving your best on the daily! Always remember, your health comes first because if you don't take care of yourselves now, how can you take care of your family? Yes, it's so easy to "forget" to take care of yourself with everything going on in the world. More often than not, if you feel the need to take time out for yourself so you can maintain your sanity, mental, emotional, physical health, psychological well-being. Continue your hobbies and even if you decide to take a day or two for yourself so you can keep your feet on the ground while maintaining good health. Even if you end up doing yoga to decompress your mind, body, soul, and overall health so you can somehow remain levelheaded. Stay hydrated, treat yourself every once in a while to a gel manicure and pedicure or treat yourself out to dinner, and as long as it's something nice but I don't mean make it into a weekly habit of treating yourself out to dinner or unless if it's not in your budget. As long as whatever you do is therapeutic and leaves you in a peaceful, mellow zen. Meditate when you have free time to center yourself when need be. Most of all, I am proud of you for being present, active, and hands on with your children while other absent fathers are nowhere to be found. Keep up the amazing work! Remember to breathe and prioritize your health so you can be there for your children!

"There's really no point in having children if you're not going to be home enough to father them." ~ Anthony Edwards

As for as the deadbeat fathers who have completely avoided fatherhood, I want to express my disappointment in you and most of you know who you are! As I have previously stated, please do yourselves and the rest of us women a solid favor, get a vasectomy if you have zero intentions of being a father. Please don't be that one selfish asshole who fucked it up for the next guy and keep real with your partner before you become intimate with your partner. Furthermore, be honest with yourself because honestly and communication is key, and I am at that point that I'm frustrated, disappointed and I am slowly losing faith in men. Nonetheless, I know there a small handful of good men out there and they're hard to find. Don't lie saying that you're a good guy when you haven't even been there for your own children because it's bullshit and I'm sure the mother of your children is giving you the freedom and opportunity to be a father but you're selfishly thinking about yourself with many excuses that you're pulling from your asses. Don't be surprised if your children want absolutely nothing to do with you when they're old enough to decide for themselves.

When I was watching this, it made me tear up because I know what this experience is like but watch this video at your convenience: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - Will's Father leaves, and I can relate to this because my father was never round during my youth. To me, I felt like the only time he's made his existence known was when he got in contact with me and it's like any other time I didn't exist to him whatsoever. Of course, people will make excuses for him in his place by saying "He probably didn't know how to be a father" and yeah, he never had a father figure in his life either. I honestly don't know what my worth truly is and it's something I need to dig deep for to see what my worth is. I used to send my biological father birthday cards (he was a Libra) but when my birthday would come around, I'd come home from school and ask my mom if he had sent me a birthday card, as per usual, her response was no. After a while, I'd stopped sending him birthday cards because this experience hurt way too much. Interesting thing is that he remembered me at Christmas! Why am I not surprised? He allegedly claimed he "has a bag full of birthday cards" that he hadn't sent out for my birthday because I remember the one excuse he had given me was that he'd go to the store, buy a card in advance but never had the opportunity to send it to me and I'll never know if he genuinely bought birthday cards because I enjoy getting cards from people because I feel like you've made the effort of going to the store and picked out a card since you had me in mind. Never once had he said he was proud of me before his passing from his brain aneurysm in 2014. For any woman who is seeking to get child support from your baby daddy and a current New York City resident, there's a place called Legal Hand where they help from anything from housing, consumer debt, child support, etc. and it would be best to have a support system if you're looking to have someone to serve your baby daddy papers for Family Court. Feel free to check out Serving Process at your own convenience and it'll run you $52 for a sheriff to serve baby daddy the necessary paperwork. I'm not speaking negatively of my birth father; however, I'm stating how I feel, and I don't expect anyone to understand. To each their own.

"The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them." ~ Confucius

If you're a guy who is not looking to settle down no time soon but want to continue to be sexually active and promiscuous without using protection or having the knowledge of what the word no actually means! No means no and I am tired of men being ignorant in not knowing what the word no means (I am sure you may have a dictionary somewhere in your own home, just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️). I've been sexually abused by my stepfather at the age of 9 and I was raped at age 26 and got pregnant from that rape. I regret being with my baby daddy and I regret not having health insurance or being on birth control at the time. Had I been on birth control, I would not be where I am at right now and I blame myself for it! What messed me up was having an irregular menstrual cycle at the time. I remember December of 2008; I had told my baby daddy that I hadn't had my period since October of 2008 and his response was that I was "being paranoid and needed to relax" and that I was going to have my period in January [2009]. Of course, I had my period in January but when February and March came and went, nada and it wasn't until Mother's Day of 2009 that I had gotten a pregnancy test, and the test came back positive. It was too late to go for an abortion at the time and I was going to put my son up for adoption because I hadn't lived my life yet and also for the fact I wasn't ready mentally, emotionally, and financially. Each time I had told my baby daddy of an upcoming appointment, his response was that he wasn't going to make it in time or that he didn't have bus fare because keep in mind that this dude lives in Brooklyn (in the projects). He'd always make excuses for not being there and I remember I'd wake up in the middle of the night crying because I was hurt, I hated him, and I hated myself as well. I eventually stopped telling him when each of my upcoming appointments was because if he truly wanted to go to these appointments with me at the time, surely, he would've put in the effort and that same effort of going out of his way of raping me, that same effort could've gone to each appointment with me!!! His excuse was for not being around was because I was going to put my son up for adoption and that was his excuse at the time! If you know that you're not at all interested in fatherhood, please do yourselves a favor (as well as any woman who have no interest in motherhood since there's no return policy on children), wear a condom or get a vasectomy if you have zero interest of being a father because the only person you're hurting is the child because the child was never asked to be born and the child will grow up with many questions on why you're not there along with questioning their self-worth. But it's fucked up that you have money for things like Netflix or Disney+ or lavish extravagant vacations or buying jewelry or whatever your heart desires. Let's not get started with not being actively involved or coming around when you feel it's only convenient and thinking it's fucking okay to post "all the cool" shit you do with the kids when you have them on weekends on Facebook thinking you "deserve father of the year" award, no, no, fuck no (let's not get it twisted 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾), only award you receive is Sperm Donor Award. Trust me, men like you deserve that award and let's not make excuses because that's the only talent you have. How hard is it to pick up the phone and see how your children are doing or if they need anything or coming by so you'd get a break? If you have time to take a bathroom break than you must have time to call your baby mamma and help her out for once in your lives! 😠 If you're not interested in being a father than express yourselves but don't go around wasting your baby mamma's time and energy chasing you around so you'd spend time with your children.

"A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man." ~ Mario Puzo, The Godfather

Even though you've moved on. It was so easy for you to start over with someone new. I won't have that chance for a while. See single mothers who have their children 24/7 don't have the chance to go out and meet new people. Single mothers who work hard to support their children and give them everything they can in life, don't have time to go on dates. Single mothers aren't a hot commodity these days. So while you lay in bed with another woman, holding her close. I lay in bed with our son and read him stories. I bathe him every night, put on his pajamas, brush his teeth, and talk about our day. When he asks about you, I tell him you love him. Even though your actions say different. Even though, you can only manage to spend a mere day or two a month with him. I could put up with you making me feel like I didn't matter to you. But the day I knew that you would make him feel that way too, is the day I had to let you go. That was the day I knew you'd never change. You'd never be the selfless, loving father I thought you could be so I had to let you go because I knew you weren't good for me, and we could never be a family.

One day I'll get the chance to move on. I know Yahuah has a plan for my life, and I trust Him. One day, I'll get married and have a real family with a man who recognizes my strength and loves me in a way you never could. It'll take time to let go of all the hurt and pain.

I have asked for nothing from you.

I have never asked for money, I have never asked for food, I have never asked for clothing.

I cannot speak for absent mothers as I have no experience in this, I'm sure there are many out there.

It must be pretty wonderful for you to have the choice of whether to step up and be a dad on any given day. Personally, I don't get that same luxury.

What I do have the luxury of is watching a beautiful little boy grow smarter, bigger and stronger every single day. I get to hear his happy babbling in the morning, laugh as he laughs, and watch him fall into blissful sleep.

At first, I felt bitter that my life had changed so irretrievably while you still get to go out and party all the time. Now I see that my life has changed for the better while yours just reverted back to teenage years.

I have to be a mother 100% of the time, whether I'm sick, exhausted or whatever else. I don't get to say, "Sorry, not today." (Not that I'd ever want to.)

Raising our son alone makes me feel like a superhero. Like I'm invincible, and I could take on the whole world and still succeed. I'm doing something I previously thought would be impossible. I'm happily owning my single mom 'situation', and it's amazing.

While I don't have anyone to share the highs and lows of parenting with day in day out, I also don't have to share cuddles with my little boy. Does that sound selfish? Probably, but I'm so glad I have him all to myself.

It's terrifying and daunting that this is all on me, that I have the sole day to day responsibility of bringing up a child. It's just as well I have the love of not just two but two million parents to show him. I'll make sure he always knows that.

Not having that solidarity of a big, unshakeable rock beside me is definitely a struggle some days. But you were never going to be that rock anyway. I am my own rock.

You missed out on a great kid. You will miss out on birthdays, graduations, first dates, and watching our kid turn into the amazing adult they are destined to become, with or without you.

I won't teach him to hate you, but I'll let him make his own assumptions about you. Chances are, he won't feel so fondly about you once he realise how truly disgusting your actions have been.

I hope you don't consider yourself a real man, because real men don't walk out on their children. You walked out on the most important responsibility of your life, without any regrets.

I don't see it as anything I did wrong. You were simply a coward who didn't have the courage to stick out the tough times. Yes, things were hard in the beginning, but things are much better now, and I only feel sorry for you because you're missing out.

Our child will grow up learning how to be a great parent, all because you taught them everything they shouldn't do. You set a perfect example for all the things he will never grow up to be.

I've stopped agonizing over you, because you don't deserve these tears. Crying over you is like letting you win, and I've decided that you will no longer have control over my life.

I hope for your future family's sake, you don't do the same thing to them that you did to us. While you don't deserve the happiness that a family can bring you, no one else deserves the pain you've left us with.

If I could have one wish for my son, it would be to have a good father. A father who shows up and a father who puts his child before his addictions, before his friends, before his own selfish needs.

"Your children need your presence more than your presents." ~ Jesse Jackson

"Deadbeat Dads are the worst kind of fathers, and they need to be brought to justice." ~ Chandan Negi

"Many people think of child support when they think of a deadbeat dad; however, these dads also may classify as deadbeat if they refuse to care adequately for their children." ~ Anonymous

"They're given really bad choices. It's less deadbeat dads and more unemployed fathers, and some fathers decide to sedate and give up." ~ Cheri Honkala

"When someone chooses to be a deadbeat dad, they are choosing to abandon their responsibilities." ~ Chandan Negi

"Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!" ~ Philip Whitmore

Blessed be,

Jennifer