Navigating Life Through the Lens: My Story, My Peace

"There was the life you lived, which consisted of the choices you made. And then, there was the other life, the one that was the things you hadn't chosen." ~ Gabriell Zevin

Welcome to my corner of the internet. If you are new here, grab a coffee (or a tea), get comfortable, and let me properly introduce myself.

My Roots and My Heart

I am a child of a Panamanian Air Force father and a Chinese mother, born in Arizona but brought back to Queens as a baby. I grew up in Queens with my mother and grandparents, who immigrated to the U.S. shortly after WWII. That heritage has always been a quiet, grounding force in my life - even if I mostly just understand Cantonese rather than speak it!

I am a Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp, a proud aunt/sibling, and an introvert through and through. I am also proudly asexual, bisexual, and navigate life without strict pronouns, as that is what feels most authentic to my experiences and who I am.

I'm an introvert at heart. If you are trying to date me, know this: I require a lot of time and patience to warm up. I may seem completely uninterested at first, but it is just my way of protecting my energy while I figure out who is safe.

Today, my time is focused on healing and self-improvement. I'm prioritizing my health, spirituality, and fitness. I've been journaling since junior high, and I love getting lost in a good novel or listening to music. But my truest therapy is writing and photography.

Life as Therapy: Photography and Writing

I have been journaling since junior high school. Writing, much like photography, is my ultimate therapy. It allows me to channel my artistic way of looking at the world. My camera of choice is my trusty Minolta X-370. I love shooting on Ilford, Kodak Portra, and the occasional CineStill film. When I need supplies, B&H Photo Video is my go-to, though I always hit up K&M Camera when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays.

Navigating Life's Chapters

My journey hasn't been easy. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault. From those dark moments came my beautiful son, who is on the autism spectrum. I want to be open about something important: I never had a natural maternal desire for motherhood. Not everyone does, and that is a valid, okay truth to embrace.

Today, my time is dedicated to healing and self-discovery. I am heavily prioritizing my health, my spirituality, working out, reading novels, and listening to music. I also happen to be a firm believer in the paranormal! Because my older sister and I didn't grow up in the same home, our relationship has been estranged and awkward, but I am taking life one day at a time.

If You're Looking to Connect...

I am a firm non-believer in the institution of marriage, and when it comes to dating, I move at my own pace. If we ever cross paths, please know that it takes a lot of time and patience for me to warm up to you. I may not seem interested in the beginning, and that is okay. I require genuine patience.

I'm also gearing up to eventually return to LaGuardia Community College to finish my associate's degree when the timing feels right.

And if sports ever come up? While I'm not a huge sports fan, I will always represent the Yankees and the Diamondbacks.

Thank you for reading and for holding space for my story. I'm excited to share more of my photography, writing, and life journey with you all.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Welcome to My Lens: Life, Film, and Finding My Focus

"To me, photography is an art of observation. It's about finding something interesting in an ordinary place... I've found it has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them." ~ Elliot Erwitt

Hi, I'm Jennifer. To understand me, you have to understand the blend of where I come from and where I'm going. I'm a true child of the world - born to a Panamanian Air Force father and a Chinese mother in Arizona. But my roots are firmly planted in Queens, NY, where my mom and I moved after my parents separated. I grew up living with my grandparents, who immigrated to America from China after World War II, surrounded by the comforting background hum of Cantonese, even if I quite picked up the language myself.

Life hasn't always been a straight path. I have an older sister (a Leo!) whom I never grew up with, which has made our relationship a bit estranged and awkward, a direct result of the distance. I've also navigated heavy shadows in my life - surviving childhood abuse from my stepfather and a traumatic assault at 26. Those experiences, along with other men taking advantage of my trust over the years, left me with deep trust issues. But I don't let those chapters define me; they have shaped my resilience.

I'm a Scorpion/Sagittarius cusp, which feels fitting because I am deeply spiritual without adhering to any religion. I believe in the paranormal, but more than that, I believe in the healing power of art. Photography and journaling (a habit I've kept since junior high) are my ultimate therapy. They allow me to channel my artistic way of looking at the world.

Right now, I am a photography student at LaGuardia Community College, working on my associate's degree. My trusty Minolta X-370 is almost always by my side, loaded with Ilford black and white, Kodak Portra, or the occasional CineStill film. When I need to stock up, B&H Photo Video is my go-to, through K&M Camera is my perfect backup when B&H and Adorama are closed for Jewish holidays.

Outside of taking photos, my life revolves around prioritizing my health, spirituality, reading novels, listening to music, and working out. You'll also catch me representing the Yankees and the Diamondbacks if sports are on, though I'm not a massive sports fan.

On a personal level, I am asexual and I am not a firm believer in marriage. I'm also a mom to an amazing son who is on the autism spectrum. I became pregnant with him following my assault, and I will be the first to tell you that I never had the maternal desire for motherhood. I love children, but from afar! It's a reminder that not everyone experiences the desire for motherhood, and that is perfectly okay.

If you are trying to date or connect with me, please know this: it takes time for me to warm up to you. I have my walls up for a reason, and even if I don't entirely seem uninterested in the beginning, it's just my way of protecting myself. It requires patience.

This blog is a space for me to share my journey, my journaling, and my film photography. Thank you for being here and taking the time to see the world through m lens.

Best regards,

Jennifer