"[Motherhood] really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can't stand up to those principles when you're raising a child, forget it." ~ Diane Keaton
Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namaste. I wish you a day of relaxation, pampering, blissful joy and happiness today, tomorrow, and every day after. You deserve it for being an amazing mother every single day! Happy Mother's Day. As a single mom, it's been an okay journey, although, I do feel that my ship has sailed away when I had gotten pregnant to do better for myself and have a decent career as a photographer full-time. I personally feel that once when you become a mom, you lose your identity and your career suffers as a direct result of motherhood standing in the way when you have bigger fish to fry! I've always held down part-time jobs since graduating high school in 2001 and especially when I would check off full-time whenever I would apply for employment. Perhaps I was looking in all of the wrong places! There have been moments I regret not getting my tubes tied before I even knew my son's father existed or I would have encouraged him to get a vasectomy done while I would have done the whole tubal ligation done to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. Ladies, if you aren't yet moms but one day plan on being a mom, if you lack health insurance, please apply for health insurance and find yourself a very good gynecologist to have the birth control conversation with to protect yourself! It's best to be safe than sorry. If you're in a predicament of not receiving child support but it depends on which borough of New York City you're in. Since I live in Queens, there's the Queens County Family Court.
Important Contacts:
- Main Clerk's Office: (718) 298-2000
- Queens Family Court Email: queensfamilycourt@nycourts.gov
- NYS Child Support Helpline: 1 (888) 208-4485 (available 24/7 for automated info)
Helpful Legal and Support Resources:
- Family Legal Care: Offers free legal information and advice regarding court procedures. Call (212) 343-1122 on Monday - Friday (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM and 2:00PM - 5PM).
- Volunteer Attorney Program (VAP): Provides free online/phone legal consultations for unrepresented litigants. Schedule by calling (347) 401-9460 (Tuesday - Thursday, 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM).
Be mindful the days and times may change depending on the time frame you're reading this. You can check online or you can call the number provided or send an email and if you're unsure on what to say, go to Google, type in something like: "Email inquiry regarding child support written agreement without case example" or you could word it as "Email inquiry regarding child support written agreement and visitation without case example". Here are three forms you can view at your own leisure! New York State Child Support Direct Deposit Enrollment Form, Stipulation for Child Support, and General Form 17 Petition-Custody, Visitation. I hope these help!
"I'm a childless woman, yet I felt no maternal urges whatsoever. The prospect of years of broken nights and nappy changes holds no appeal for me." ~ Kiki Dee
I've watching or rather hearing other women talking about their tubal ligation experiences so I'd know what to expect when I finally get my tubes tied. Here is a video titled: Tubal Ligation Surgery Process. Children aren't for everyone and not everyone wants children. I have my personal reasons why I've never wanted children and wanted to be child free. However, I don't heavily expect people to fully understand my personal reasons, and I have seven main reasons but I've why a long time ago in my regular personal journals about maybe twenty years ago (give or take). Here are some of my reasons that I'd rather defy society and their lame expectations: 1) No biological desire because not everyone deserves to become parents. 2) Lifestyle and Freedom because raising children requires a strict routine and I find parenthood to be way too restrictive for my own personal liking (yet I don't expect you all to understand or comprehend). 3) Financial Constraints: due to the high cost of raising a child in this economy. 4) Mental and Physical Health: I value my sleep schedule of when I'd want to go to bed and not worry about when I'd be woken up out a dead slumber just because the child couldn't sleep or had a nightmare or whatever the fuck and disrespecting my sleep. I know it sounds selfish, but what difference does it matter? 5) Trauma and Family History: I'm or was not looking to pass down the generational trauma or repeat harmful parenting patterns. For example, there were moments when my mother would tell me this story on how if I were born a boy, she would have named me Stephen Anthony like I wasn't good enough for her just because I happen to be born the wrong gender but never once told my sister, Gwen, this story. I've always felt my mother was being extremely selfish. I didn't want my own children to experience bodily harm such as sexual abuse by someone they know because I was sexually abused by my stepfather when I was about nine years of age. I was raped at age 26 by my son's father in 2009 and I also suffer from irregular menstrual cycles to make matters worse. There were moments when my stepfather would make me feel like it was my fault for my biological father's absence in my own life but never said anything negative about it in front of my sister. 6) Career and Creative Ambitions: I wanted to go back to college, earn my associate's degree from LaGuardia Community College before deciding on what other college of choice to attend and earn my bachelor's degree. I also wanted to make sure I've found success in my career before I felt ready to settle down. 7) Dislike of Parenting Lifestyle: I'm not a fan of the reality of raising children, such as diaper changes, handling tantrums, etc. I may have unintentionally left out the concept of being a single parent raising a child on your own if the other parent is a chosen deadbeat. It's understandable if the other parent has tragically or naturally transitioned to the spiritual realm. May it from violence or an illness.
"The absence of doll babies in my toy chest didn't seriously influence my later decision not to become a mother; rather, I disdained Hasbro's Baby Alive wetting doll because I was already the kind of girl who would grow up to be childless by choice." ~Lionel Shriver
Some people may not be fans of the concepts of tubal ligation for personal reasons while other find it necessary and liberating to have their tubes tied. I truly don't expect people to understand why I feel the need to trade places with women who suffer from infertility so they can live the life I take for granted when it comes to motherhood and I don't expect people to understand why I feel the way I do about wanting to trade places with women who suffer from infertility issues or unable to carry full-term. It makes me feel bad. Life is wicked because you have people who don't feel the maternal desire to be parents and they end up having children. Yet, while there are people who struggle with fertility are spending so much of their money on fertility help and still struggle to conceive a child. It's wild to me and it makes me feel bad.
Blessed be,
Jennifer
