Single Mom Generation

"There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be good one." ~ Jill Churchill

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Happy Mother's Day out there, whether if you're happily married or a single mom and much respect to the mom's out there by choice. What I mean by this is A Single Mother by Choice is someone who is consciously decides to start a family on their own without a romantic partner and I respect their choice while this decision may not be for everyone. I may not know everyone's personal situation, and I know my situation is different because I wasn't planning on being a mom at the age of 26. Long story short, my son's father didn't take no for an answer because he wanted a reason why I've said no while on top of me undoing my belt and pants. I have zero desire to be a mom, whether a single mom or a married woman with shared responsibilities with her husband where I'd have to constantly striving to be both a mother and father, filling every emotional gap so my child never feels less than. It is a lonely journey being a single parent because there is no one to bounce ideas off of at 2a.m. when the baby is sick, or to debate schooling and discipline choices with. You shoulder 100% of the guilt and the pressure. When it comes to income and doing everything alone, it's no easy task whatsoever! You are the sole provider. Without the child's father paying child support or sharing expenses, budgeting becomes an intensely precise and often stressful task. It's not for the faint of heart being a single mom and especially if you have a child with mild autism being raised solo without a father figure around. As we speak, my son's father isn't active in my son's life and he acts as a revolving door. Meaning, he shows up whenever he feels fit to come around, and it's not right that I have to do this on my own. Perhaps, it was my mistake of not encouraging him to get a vasectomy, and if I had health insurance with a gynecologist, I would have this conversation with a gynecologist regarding waiting to get a tubal ligation done Of course, the gynecologist would say that I'm "too young" to get a tubal ligation done before age 26 and don't get me wrong, I like children but from afar. Not everyone wants children for personal reasons and not everyone deserves to even have children! I feel we wouldn't have placed ourselves in this very unfortunate predicament. I'm not implying that motherhood isn't a blessing and motherhood isn't for everyone!

"When you're in the thick of raising your kids by yourself, you tend to keep a running list of everything you think you're doing wrong. I recommend taking a lot of family pictures as evidence to the contrary." ~ Connie Schultz

If you don't have your child's father on child support when he should also be helping out by pulling his weight as well because as a single mom, we didn't get ourselves pregnant and it would be medically impossible for a woman to get herself pregnant. It takes two to procreate life, not just none but two and that child never received that memo that he or she wasn't asked to be born into this world (let's not get it twisted). If you want to avoid all this unnecessary drama with the back-and-forth nonsense, do yourselves [as "men"] a fucking favor, do the mother of your unborn child and that unborn child a favor, get a vasectomy or learn to wear protection, simple as that! What is so complicated about getting fa vasectomy or wearing protection? A lot of you guys enjoy complaining about wearing condoms and two things will happen, be prepared to go to Family Court or worry about STDs. Don't shoot the messenger for spreading the truth when we all are fully aware of the consequences of STD's and/or unwanted pregnancy but proceed with caution. I will say this to the deadbeat "dads" who shouldn't even have children whatsoever! Every time you pop back into our lives for a week, you give them a glimpse of what a dad looks like. And every time you vanish, you break their heart all over again. I would rather raise them as a single mother than watch you treat their emotions like a revolving door. If you want to be here, prove it. Be consistent. Show up when it's boring, hard, and uncelebrated.

To the dad who only shows up when it's convenient: your child keeps track of every missed promise. When you drift in and out of their life like a revolving door, you aren't just hurting me - you are teaching them that their emotional foundation is optional.

Stepping up doesn't mean buying a pair of sneakers for their birthday; it means showing up for the parent-teacher conferences, being the emergency contact, and calling on the same days every week. It's time to stop letting your ego or the awkwardness of our co-parenting dynamic dictate your relationship with our child. They need a consistent, not a part-time visitor. Break the cycle.

Have an amazing Mother's Day, however you're spending your day! 😃

Best regards,

Jennifer