Personal Choices II

Quote:

"We believe in personal choice, rather than society dictating how we must live our lives." ~ Mike Peters

I'm not sure on where to begin but there's so much that I could write about, everything from not wanting anymore children to relationships to marriage to health issues and/or personal health concerns if I'm going to be with someone because at the end of the day it is my business(!) to know what's going on with you (health wise) so I refuse to play Russian Roulette with my own health to my relationship status on whether if I'm single or married or in a relationship to what's going on in the world, well, you get the picture. Topics may vary and consider yourself warned, I hope this second 'Personal Choices II' will by my final blog on this subject matter on why I do what I do. But as callous and cynical as it may sound, it is based on personal choices that I have made on my own conscious mind! To answer this one question that most of you (mostly guys) ask me on whether if I am married or dating anyone or talking to anyone and my answer is no. The reason why I'm still or remained single is mostly by choice and I am not searching for a relationship with anyone at the moment. Second reason why I'm still single is because I find myself an easy target for men to approach me for all of the most obvious reasons, though I don't wear anything inappropriate in public and each time I put the idea of the both of us to get tested for HIV out there, the first response that comes out of their mouths are: "I got tested three days ago!" or they'd say "I got tested three weeks ago!" or even "I got tested three months ago!" Dude, we weren't even talking during that time period or we didn't cross paths in each others' lives during that point and that time period that you claim you've been "tested" isn't as relevant to me now because we (meaning you and I) didn't go get tested together! If a guy generally rejects the idea of going for an HIV testing then obviously you have something to hide because guys like you make the rest of the honest guys who are willing to go for an HIV testing look bad and because guys like you only care about the punani, nothing else. If you're going to reject the idea of going for an HIV testing then I am going to reject you! Why should I be with someone who feels that they shouldn't get tested for whatever reason they have and why should I be the one to waste my time being with someone who refuses to go with me to get tested? To say the least, I am not implying that you're "dirty" but however, I don't want to take medication for HIV and it's morally wrong for me to be with someone who refuses to get tested. The first thing that will come to mind as mentioned before is that you have something to hide if you reject the idea of being safe than sorry later but I'd rather be safe now than regretting it later and if I were you, just get it over with now so this way no one has to lose any sleep over anything! Consider this as a fair warning, I'm one of those women that have a 90 Date Rule while other women have a 5 Date Rule of no sexual intercourse during that time period, I've gotten this idea from watching "Friends With Benefits" and inspired me to give this a try but I hope this would work in my favor until we feel comfortable with each other instead of having an awkward sexual experience. So, during those 90 days, I want to get to know someone before I agree to be with someone [sexually] and as mentioned before, it's best to be safe than sorry if we both were to get tested [for HIV]. In terms of marriage, I just haven't found the right person and I choose to remain single by choice. I'm not ready to settle down and commit but I would love to start dating but most of the time, I feel like most guys just want the punani and I'll leave it at that. I eventually consider the idea of marriage at a later time but not at the moment and I am in no rush to get married anytime soon, for now, I don't believe in marriage but I'll keep my options open to discussion! I wonder by wearing a Burqa or rather a Chadri would reduce my chances of getting hit on, just saying.

"Society needs both parents and non parents, both the work party and the home party. While raising children is the most important work most people will do, not everyone is cut out for parenthood. And as many a childless teacher has proved, raising kids is not the only important contribution a person can make to their future." ~ Virginia Postrel

I've read several articles on Huffington Post on why women [who are healthy enough to conceive] chose to remain childless and in many respects, I totally understand because that was me until I got pregnant (mind you now, I had absolutely no plans of motherhood at age 26) in 2009. Just to let you know now, I've had a history of irregular menstrual cycles in the past and present. My body is weird because everything will be normal, meaning I'd have my monthly menstrual cycles and all of a sudden my body will end up going back to irregular menstrual cycles like a tennis match. I regret not being fully educated on the different types of contraceptives but not limited to birth control pills, abortions, and/or getting your tubes tied. Of course, I've had people discouraging me from getting my tubes tied so soon and I've been told "What if you meet the right guy and you end up changing your mind?" Well, if that's the case, oh freaking well because I’m not interested in having another child at the moment and why can't I just do the whole Essure procedure instead of an IUD? Where I’m at in my life, I have zero desire for round two of motherhood and don’t get me wrong but I have no desire for another child. If I were to have another child, the child's father will end up running for the hills during my pregnancy and it'll be too far into my pregnancy to go for an abortion. I refuse to get pregnant anytime soon and I'd rather die in a plane crash than to have another child. Anyway, both articles I've read were: "I Don't Want Children -- Ever" about this one woman who never wanted children, yet I don't blame this woman and the second article I've read from Huff Post Women was "Not Every Woman Wants a Child, and That's OK" and both articles are understandable but if I could do this all over again, I would have applied for health insurance ages ago and found myself an OG/GBYN to help me decide on which contraceptives to go with. Only reason why I never went for health insurance was because I had always thought that I had to pay into health insurance since there are jobs that require employees to pay into their health insurance such as my mother’s job at Brandywine Assisting Living in Little Neck, NY and I regret not doing my research on health insurance and educated myself on different forms of contraceptives on the market. The idea of me being a mom of one is my choice and I'm perfectly fine with just one child. I've had people encouraging me to "try for one more" so my son would have a sibling to play with, however, if I were married, my circumstances would have been much different than it is now because I would have made sure my children are a minimum of three to four years apart and since my son is now six years old, to me, it is too much of an age gap if I were to have another child. I'm not going to grab some random dude off of the streets and have him get me pregnant, oh no, oh no, it's not happening, not on my watch in this lifetime. Don't get me wrong, I do like children but I refuse to sacrifice my own body again all for pregnancy and having a healthy child. I'm sorry but not sorry because my baby father messed it up for the next guy that comes along and in some ways I messed up too because I haven't told him that I've had a history of irregular menstrual cycles which was my mistake. Am I politically wrong for not wanting to have another child? I don't recall the feeling of having a maternal instinct at all before my unplanned pregnancy and I do like children but never had the interest of being a mom at all but I do hope it's understandable to most but not all.

"I'm a childless woman, yet I felt no maternal urges whatsoever. The prospect of years of broken nights and nappy changes holds no appeal for me." ~ Kiki Dee.

It's very rare that I'd openly talk about my own sexuality (unless if it randomly comes up in conversation) because there are people who tend to shy away from the LGBT community to their religious beliefs and disregard the LGBT's because those individuals [understandably] feel that it is considered "wrong" and immoral to feel attracted to someone of the same sex. Furthermore, there had been times where I've voluntarily told people my sexuality and one dude who happens to be from Nigeria, Africa had thought that I was a hermaphrodite, I had told him the difference between a hermaphrodite and someone who is bi-sexual. Yet, I'm not certain if he understood and I suppose they don't have people coming out of the closet in Africa but if they had people coming out of the closet, it's just you don't hear about it often as you would here in America. For the most part, I haven't heard from this dude in several days and nor do I expect for him to randomly text me out of the blue. I don't know why he wanted me to "Marry" his brother and truth be told, I don't know this guy for very long and yet, he wants me to "marry" his brother. I can't help but shake my head at him and I don't want to come off as ungrateful or anything of that nature, I'm sure he wants me to marry his brother so his brother can live here in America.

Blessed be,

Jennifer