Single Mom Chronicles

"[Motherhood] really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can't stand up to those principles when you're raising a child, forget it." ~ Diane Keaton

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ I wish you a day of relaxation, pampering, blissful joy and happiness today, tomorrow, and every day after. You deserve it for being an amazing mother every single day! Happy Mother's Day. As a single mom, it's been an okay journey, although, I do feel that my ship has sailed away when I had gotten pregnant to do better for myself and have a decent career as a photographer full-time. I personally feel that once when you become a mom, you lose your identity and your career suffers as a direct result of motherhood standing in the way when you have bigger fish to fry! I've always held down part-time jobs since graduating high school in 2001 and especially when I would check off full-time whenever I would apply for employment. Perhaps I was looking in all of the wrong places! There have been moments I regret not getting my tubes tied before I even knew my son's father existed or I would have encouraged him to get a vasectomy done while I would have done the whole tubal ligation done to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. Ladies, if you aren't yet moms but one day plan on being a mom, if you lack health insurance, please apply for health insurance and find yourself a very good gynecologist to have the birth control conversation with to protect yourself! It's best to be safe than sorry. If you're in a predicament of not receiving child support but it depends on which borough of New York City you're in. Since I live in Queens, there's the Queens County Family Court.

Important Contacts:

• Main Clerk's Office: (718) 298-2000
• Queens Family Court Email: queensfamilycourt@nycourts.gov
• NYS Child Support Helpline: 1 (888) 208-4485 (available 24/7 for automated info)

Helpful Legal and Support Resources:

• Family Legal Care: Offers free legal information and advice regarding court procedures. Call (212) 343-1122 on Monday - Friday (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM and 2:00PM - 5PM).
• Volunteer Attorney Program (VAP): Provides free online/phone legal consultations for unrepresented litigants. Schedule by calling (347) 401-9460 (Tuesday - Thursday, 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM).

Be mindful the days and times may change depending on the time frame you're reading this. You can check online or you can call the number provided or send an email and if you're unsure on what to say, go to Google, type in something like: "Email inquiry regarding child support written agreement without case example" or you could word it as "Email inquiry regarding child support written agreement and visitation without case example". Here are three forms you can view at your own leisure! New York State Child Support Direct Deposit Enrollment Form, Stipulation for Child Support, and General Form 17 Petition-Custody, Visitation. I hope these help!

"I'm a childless woman, yet I felt no maternal urges whatsoever. The prospect of years of broken nights and nappy changes holds no appeal for me." ~ Kiki Dee

I've watching or rather hearing other women talk about their tubal ligation experiences so I'd know what to expect when I finally get my tubes tied! Here is a video titled: Tubal Ligation Surgery Process. Children aren't for everyone and not everyone wants children or have that maternal desire for whatever reason(s) they may have is a personal choice. I have my personal reasons why I've never wanted children and wanted to be child free. However, I don't heavily expect people to fully understand my personal reasons, and I have seven main reasons but I've why a long time ago in my regular personal journals about maybe twenty years ago (give or take). Here are some of my reasons that I'd rather defy society and their lame expectations: 1) No biological desire because not everyone wants or deserves to become parents. 2) Lifestyle and Freedom because raising children requires a strict routine and I find parenthood to be way too restrictive for my own personal liking (yet I don't expect you all to understand or comprehend). 3) Financial Constraints: due to the high cost of raising a child in this economy. Have you seen how much diapers cost nowadays? Man, I don't miss all those diaper changes and all that jazz! 4) Mental and Physical Health: I value my sleep schedule of when I'd want to go to bed and not worry about when I'd be woken up out a dead slumber just because the child couldn't sleep or had a nightmare or whatever the fuck and disrespecting my beauty sleep. I know it sounds selfish, but what difference does it matter? 5) Trauma and Family History: I'm or was not looking to pass down the generational trauma or repeat harmful parenting patterns. For example, there were moments when my mother would tell me this story on how if I were born a boy, she would have named me Stephen Anthony like I wasn't good enough for her just because I happen to be born the wrong gender but never once told my sister, Gwen, this story. I've always felt my mother was being extremely selfish. I didn't want my own children to experience bodily harm such as sexual abuse by someone they know because I was sexually abused by my stepfather when I was about nine years of age. I was raped at age 26 by my son's father in 2009 and I also suffer from irregular menstrual cycles to make matters worse. There were moments when my stepfather would make me feel like it was my fault for my biological father's absence in my own life but never said anything negative about it in front of my sister. 6) Career and Creative Ambitions: I wanted to go back to college, earn my associate's degree from LaGuardia Community College [CUNY] before deciding on what other college of choice to attend and earn my bachelor's degree. I also wanted to make sure I've found success in my career before I felt ready to settle down. Everyone is different and I hope you don't think I'm speaking negatively which I'm not. I feel that when you become a mom, your whole life is basically over, and you lose your identity of who you are as an individual. But when your children move out and you have to reclaim your own identity. 7) Dislike of Parenting Lifestyle: I'm not a fan of the reality of raising children, such as diaper changes, handling tantrums, etc. I may have unintentionally left out the concept of being a single parent raising a child on your own if the other parent is a deadbeat/absentee/sperm donor by unfortunate design or by choice. It's understandable if the other parent who has tragically by violence (whether by mistaken identity or wrong place at the wrong time) or naturally transitioned to the spiritual realm. May it from violence or an illness.

"The absence of doll babies in my toy chest didn't seriously influence my later decision not to become a mother; rather, I disdained Hasbro's Baby Alive wetting doll because I was already the kind of girl who would grow up to be childless by choice." ~ Lionel Shriver

Some people may not be fans of the concepts of tubal ligation for personal or spiritual/"religious" reasons while other find it necessary and liberating to have their tubes tied. I truly don't expect people to understand why I feel the need to trade places with women who suffer from infertility so they can live the life I take for granted when it comes to motherhood and I don't expect people to understand why I feel the way I do about wanting to trade places with women who suffer from infertility issues or unable to carry full-term. It makes me feel bad. Life is wicked because you have people who don't feel the maternal desire to be parents and they end up having children. Yet, while there are people who struggle with fertility are spending so much of their money on fertility help and still struggle to conceive a child. It's wild to me how life is so weird on how opposite everything in life can be, for example, people who want to be parents, but they suffer from infertility while there are those who are able to have children are shitty parents or they make great parents depending on the individual and it makes me feel bad. Like I mentioned before, I like children but from afar!

This is from my perspective as a single mom!

Blessed be,

Jennifer

March is Developmental Disabilities Month

"Recognizing and respecting difference in others and treating everyone like you want them to treat you, will help make our world a better place for everyone. Care... be your best. You don't have to be handicapped to be different. Everyone is different!" ~ Kim Peek

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏾‍♀️ As many of you may or may not be aware of, March is Developmental Disabilities Month, and I may write a little something in October as well since Americans observe National Disability Employment Awareness Month. In this particular blog, we'll focus more on resources on services, however, I'm not sure what services are currently available in other states outside of New York City and I'll include places where people with disabilities can receive evaluations. I hope these resources help those who don't know where to go or have a social worker to help them along the way in life and it's going to be a journey in applying for programs such as OPWDD (Office for People with Developmental Disabilities). Here is a video on what OPWDD has to offer what services they have to offer: OPWDD Services and best of luck on your journey. If you're a New York City resident, and looking to be a part of OPWDD, I believe you'll need a current evaluation from Queens Center for Progress, an I.E.P (Individualized Education Program) from high school just in case but I highly doubt they'll need it (don't quote me on it but do your research anyway to keep yourself covered). It's a process, and best to stay on top of things so things will go smoothly. If you reside in another state such as Florida, and feel free to research what's available in a city near you! You have until you are 21 to pass all of your RCT's (Regents Competency Tests) and not many people are aware of this knowledge but it's good to know anyway.

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing." ~ Muhammad Ali

It's not easy living life with a disability, especially an intellectual disability and speech impediment but it does not mean I'm incompetent or that you have the legal right to treat me any less different than anyone else, especially if I've never done anything to you. As the saying goes, treat others the way you want to be treated because at some point in your own life you'll get your own karma coming your way sooner or later. For people such as myself, life is not living life with an intellectual disability such as a learning disability and a speech impediment. I have a hard time pronouncing peninsula and vanilla. I've had people say they "haven't noticed a speech impediment" whenever I text them, however, I'm not sure if they're being polite by saying they haven't (allegedly) noticed a speech impediment as to not to hurt my feelings and causing me to feel even more self-conscious when I speak and I don't need to feel any more self-conscious than I already am when I speak. It can be quite frustrating at times but it's not easy either and who says it has to be easy? As mentioned before, it's not easy living life with an intellectual disability and speech impediment. It takes me longer to learn something new and all I ask for is for patience when dealing with me! I'm just as human as anyone else and no, I'm not trying to gain sympathy from people just because of my disabilities and I'm simply saying it hasn't always been easy but at times this can be frustrating at times.

"When it comes to diversity and with disabilities, we always need to find a way to express who we are in our own ways." ~ Jamie Brewer, actress

If you're seeking employment opportunities, there's Adult Career and Continuing Education Services - Vocational Rehabilitation (ACCES - VR) and General Human Outreach, I'm not sure what other supportive employment programs are currently available outside of and within OPWDD because I am in the process of getting my son, Stephan into the OPWDD program and I'm hoping to receive services through GHO for Family Support Services. My son is on the (autistic) spectrum but is functional, meaning he is able to do the basic things such as brushing his teeth, taking care of his bathroom needs (taking bathroom breaks and freshening up, meaning taking showers), feeding himself, communicating (he's verbal), etc. Other than that, I'm not sure what other supportive employment programs are available, and I hope to find more information through my son's case manager through Tri-County Care or through a social worker or possibility through his teachers at his high school. Once when I have more information, I will be sure to pass that information onto you once when they become available!

"The most interesting people you'll find are the ones that don't fit into your average cardboard box. They'll make what they need, they'll make their own boxes." ~ Dr. Temple Grandin, professor with autism

Last but not least, there's CIDNY and OPWDD Housing Option and Resources at your earliest convenience. The video is informative in my opinion, and I hope you find the video to be useful yet helpful. Since life here in New York City is expensive as it is, especially if you wish to have a place to call your own and the rent is scary expensive as it is, especially if you wish to have a place to call your own and my personal goal is to eventually have a place to call my own. However, my budget currently does not allow me to live on my own because I do not earn enough to live on my own and I'm certain there are resources for low-income families. Anything is better than having to live with my mother! When I have additional information on affordable housing, I will be sure to include that information on here so you'd be up to date and have this type of knowledge for yourselves.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Winter Skincare Routines for Every Age

 "All the makeup in the world won't make a difference without great skincare." ~ Khloe Kardashian

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ As I'm sitting here at Starbucks on Valentine's Day around my way with a Venti sized Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino Blended Beverage with Vanilla Sweet Cream (may I add) and I'm pretty sure I'm giving that Carrie Bradshaw vibe so far. Since this is Valentine's Day, I treated myself to a Siren Logo Plastic Hot Cup - 16 fl oz since I want to be all fancy and will eventually treat myself to a gel manicure around Mother's Day weekend. Heck, this is way better than being home and for now I'm going to focus on writing this blog before heading home and this may be a three-part self-care over the course of three future blogs within the next three years, no rush. This blog is going to be interesting to write since there's going to be so much to research, but this blog is solely based on personal experiences. I have no particular skincare routine where it's very simple and direct or rather straightforward, whichever term you wish to use on your own accord at this point. In a future blog, I may do a self-care date idea for couples since I've recently entered, officially twenty-five days ago and I do want to give it time to bloom before I take notes and observe what works best for us. Keep in mind, with any skincare products I mention may or may not be best appropriate for many and my best advice is to give it a try for at least a full ninety days. I will advise writing about your three-month skincare routine of what works best for you, and you can give three different skincare routine over the course of nine months, three full months per cleanse products. Once when you find your new skincare product, heck, go for it and what have you got to lose? This may be a follow up to 'The Clean Slate Routine' blog and I honestly was going to redo that blog over but I'm glad I hadn't done so at this point! I have several secrets as to not looking a day over 25 is drink enough water; limit your alcohol intake to socially and same goes with drugs (cocaine, heroin, etc.); ladies, limit how much you use makeup; of course, watch your diet and if you have the time and energy, exercise. Keep in mind I am in my early 40s, and I don't look a day over 25! At the end of the day, it's all in how you take care of yourself and make yourself a first priority. If you're not in the best of health, how can you take care of your family and how can you make the bills in time if you aren't in the best of health? Your best bet is to check out this video: ULTIMATE Skincare Routine for GLASS Skin and I don't wash my face twice a day. I wash my face once a day before bedtime! I'm just saying and do what's best for you. My best advice is to speak with a dermatologist on which cleanser is best for you.

-Clean & Clear-

"I like my skin best when it's clean and glowy, and that comes from sleep, hydration, and happiness." ~ Tracee Ellis Ross

Let's begin with Clean & Clear Relaxing Deep Cleaning Face Wash, 8 Fluid ounce. At some point I've used this product, and I don't have much negative experience. I do use it before going to bed and especially after coming home from work, a date or a night out with friends. Mostly when you've arrived home from wherever (work, date, wherever) and your face will thank you for it. Try it for three months before moving onto your next skincare product. I liked how it made my face feel, however, it's been a mission searching for Clean & Clear in regular retail stores such as CVS, Rite Aid, Target, Walgreens. Seems like the only places I can get Clean & Clear is from Amazon and on a good day, I'll find it at any of these stores. If not, I'll order it from Amazon when time permits in doing so, budget wise for when I can but no rush at the moment. Once when it's in my budget, I'll order some Clean & Clear from Amazon and will redo this portion of the blog. You can also look around at various different Stop & Shop grocery stores for Clean & Clear facial products. It's always good to pamper yourself at the end of the day.

-Noxzema-

"I am most particular about moving all my makeup and keeping my skin clean before I go to bed. No matter how tired I am or how hectic my day has been, I always make it a point to take it off." ~ Deepika Padukone

I often use Noxzema, it's been a hot minute since I've gotten to use Noxzema for a good half hour to forty-five minutes. When I have a zit or two or any unsightly blemishes on my face, I take a dab of Noxzema and place the dab on each of the blemishes and leave it on overnight. Normally, by morning, it's gone and often times I still have the blemishes on my face. It takes several days for it to go away, and I figured I'd add Noxzema to this list of self-care products I normally use. However, I use Noxzema when I shave my legs, down there, and armpits. A majority of the time when I've finished shaving my legs, I use Johnson's baby oil or Well Beginnings Baby Oil afterwards, well, mostly when I come out of the shower. I buy whichever baby oil is on sale, such as buy one and second is free, that type of deal and especially when you're on a budget!!! Not to sound frugal or anything of that nature. I don't always use baby oil on my legs or unless it's summertime and have plans to go to Fort Totten Pool or the beach. I have zero complaints on using Noxzema and haven't had any issues in using Noxzema.

-Differin-

"I try to do simple but effective things to keep my skin looking healthy and flawless. I drink tons and tons of water. Also, I believe in eating right. You are what you eat." ~ Anushka Sharma

Next up is Differin Cleanse Daily Oil-Free Hydrating Cleanser and Differin Gel Adapalene Gel 0.1%. I personally like how it makes my face feel at the end of the day. I often use Differin Restorative Night Moisturizer when needed and I need to moisturize more often just to upkeep my youthfulness. There's more to skincare routine and good genetics, it's all in how you take care of yourself. It's simple small beauty hacks. Whenever I have blemishes on my face, it drives me up the wall, and it drives me crazy! Since I have Differin Adapalene Gel, I use it before bed and it helps with time, don't expect immediate result. Be consistent when using Differin each night since this particular product is a bit on the expensive side, use it sparingly in order for it to last longer. When using the Differin Adapalene Gel, follow it up with the moisturizer, and it's up to you if you want to rinse it off or leave it on. I personally leave it on, and I don't bother rinsing it off in the end. Of course, the moisturizer leaves my face feeling soft and I love it! Result may vary per person. If you have any issues with acne, speak with a dermatologist regarding which skincare product you should try.

-Sephora-

"Looking good is about having a good base. It's about taking care of your skin." ~ Halle Berry

Once when I've finished using Differin Cleanse Daily Oil-Free Hydrating Cleanser and Differin Restorative Night Moisturizer, I intend on going to Sephora and try their vegan facial products. Yet, I'm pretty sure these items are overpriced and in due time, I'll give it a try when time permits, especially when it's in my budget to shop at Sephora for their vegan facial products. If you have any suggestions in regards of which facial cleanser I should try next, feel free to drop a comment and a like below. I'm open to trying something different and as long as it doesn't break the bank just to look good. I've found a list of vegan skincare cleanser for those who are vegan, and it does not have to be limited to Sephora but it's a suggestion from me to you on this Valentine's Day! I'm totally open to trying different facial cleansers and seeing how my experience is once when I find the right facial cleansers as long it's not "tested on animals" than I should be alright.

-In Conclusion-

In conclusion to this blog, it's a little Valentine's Day self-care tip from me to you. As stated previously, this may or may not be my only self-care blog for those curious enough to know what my skincare routine is and if you're curious enough to try any of my skincare routine, it's fine by me. Not everyone is going to have the time or the energy to be as committed to their skincare routine whether if you're a busy parent or just overall busy with everyday life. It's important to make time for yourself but I'm not going to convince you and it's entirely up to you. As long as you're able to find time to spend time alone, away from people and even it means treating yourself to a nail salon or out to dinner, but it does not have to be fancy nor expensive. If it's in your budget, go for it and don't be afraid to treat yourself well! If you want to have nice youthful skin, drink lots of water; be mindful of your diet; and exercise on the daily. If your time is limited, do what you have to do and even if this means waking up two hours earlier than usual in the morning to squeeze in some exercise, whether if it's cardio or yoga or whatever tickles your fancy at the moment. Make sure you get a good night's rest which also helps and always be sure to laugh throughout your day, even if you're having a bad day. Happy self-care and don't forget to take care of yourself!

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Toast To the New Year

"New year - a new chapter, new verse, or the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours." ~ Alex Morritt

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Wow, this year is already come and now we're entering a new year. I do want to keep my New Year's Resolutions [refer to Let's Make The New Year Magical blog] but keep it for the upcoming year and will continue to focus on my health and working on being happy, even if it means being single. Yet, I really need to be less critical of myself in a negative way and learn to love myself first so I can positively radiate light from the inside out, every angle possible. Go on dates, regardless of what my mother says and no, I haven't sat down in conversation with her asking her what her thoughts would be in regards of me having a genuine love life because I feel I deserve it. What is my mother going to do to me? What, is she going to call the police on me just because I feel that I deserve a love life? Don't expect me to bring any guy home because what the chances of my mother stealing my future boyfriend just because she doesn't want to get up off her lazy ass and find her own boyfriend and go on dates that are age appropriate? Not the point, I'd have to stop punishing the next guy just because of my son's father put me through and don't get me wrong, I was 26 years old when I got pregnant out of rape, and I was going to put my son up for adoption because I felt I wasn't ready for motherhood since I had other plans I wanted to accomplish before settling down, getting married with a slight possibility of motherhood (depending on where I was at in life at the time), baby daddy's excuse on why he wasn't around was because I wanted to put my son up for adoption! I do want to go on dates, finally be happy for as long as possible with the person I'm with because I deserve it.

"Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings." ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm going to continue with my fitness journey for as long as possible. Once when I've paid down my three charge cards, which should be by the end of January and once when I've got my finances in order, I'm going to focus on saving up to get my root canal done and have a crown, so I join Planet Fitness in the upcoming months once when I've taken care of the dental work that needs to be done. I already have days I want to go (Tuesday afternoon after work; Wednesday; Thursday afternoon after work; and Friday) since there are Free Fitness Training, for those interested in a Day pass at Planet Fitness, check out the link provided, and I'll do what I can to include Mondays at home once when I fire up my laptop for a full body workout, but it's not guaranteed since my mother is retired since August of 2019. 😒 [She doesn't have much of an active social life since most of her friends had relocated to other states outside of New York City, her day consists of either going to the store to get what she needs in the morning or when she has a doctor's appointment but other than that, when she doesn't need anything from the store, she stays home and watches television all day. I have made suggestions to her in regards of programs currently available at the Queens Public Library and as well as making suggestions of her going to Alley Pond Park for walks when Mother Nature is good to us, the impression I've gotten from her is a lack of interest and motivation. Even if she does go for walks, maybe, just maybe she'll find herself a love interest or age-appropriate friends in her own age group. However, I don't know what her problem is, perhaps she believes she's too good to keep herself occupied but she allegedly claims she's "afraid" she'll "fall off the bus" and I call bullshit]. Once when I've paid off my three charge cards and have the funds for a root canal and crown, I'll go for a gym membership in Fresh Meadows since it's not far from where I currently live. I'm going to continue with yoga for my own mental health so I'm not feeling overwhelmed when there is no need to feel that way. I need to do better in regards of health and happiness. I have this mentality and the need to make others happy first before I even make myself happy. I have that survival mentality that I've had for so long that I don't know how to let go of that survival mentality. Again, I should incorporate other workouts such as VICTORIA'S SECRET FULL BODY WORKOUT | 20 MINUTES on the mat. I also want to add WEEK 1 - 2024 WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE and among other fitness challenges from this particular YouTube channel. When I get to 150 pounds (halfway point), I want to get a lotus tattoo on my left wrist with Just Breathe or Breathe tatted underneath of a lotus tattoo. There is a spiritual reason why I've chosen a lotus tattoo, but I don't feel it's appropriate for this blog, well, look at the world we currently live in, we live in a world of ugly and there's always that one beautiful soul that outshines that others don't have or lack that "shine" and resilience that some people have. That's my reason why I want to get a tattoo of a lotus. My goal is when I get to my goal weight of 125 pounds, my intention is to buy at least two or three outfits from Trash & Vaudeville and here's an article in regards of Trash & Vaudeville: Jimmy Webb, Trash and Vaudeville's Beloved Punk, Dies at 62. I intend on doing a better job in taking care of myself through dieting; exercise; and getting enough rest when needed so I can remain healthy and happy. If I don't take care of myself now, how can I take care of my fourteen-year-old son if I am not in the best of health? Furthermore, I do feel it's imperative to take care of yourself first before you take on additional responsibilities of caring for others (I don't give a fuck how old you are)!

"I hope that in this new year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something." ~ Neil Gaiman

To end this blog, I want to do more, little by little and I want to split my time between work; home; and motherhood so I can do age-appropriate things with people in my own age group. There are moments I feel overwhelmed, and I don't know how to communicate I feel in a vocal kind of way. Communication is something I need to work on so I can say how I feel and mean it. Yet, it's so much easier for me to write about it on paper than it is for me to speak about it on paper than it is for me to speak about what I'm feeling, and I'll keep those feelings to myself until I write in my regular handwritten journal. I don't expect people to understand but it's all good. There are things I truly want to focus on, such as focusing more on my health; love life or rather have a love interest but something along those lines as well as having an active social life with age-appropriate people; focus more on myself so I don't lose myself in the process; as well as focusing on saving for a place to call my own and even if this means working two or three jobs just to save up for a place to call my own. Even saving up for a school bus, renovate the school bus so I can travel and go cross country, I'm sure by the time I'm financially established enough to buy a school bus, it should roughly be around when my son graduates from high school. I'm not going to go too crazy in listing many articles and/or videos from YouTube land. Here you go to view at your own leisure: Skoolie Life What to Consider Before Living in A School Bus; Skoolie vs RV; I'll be Surprised If You're Not Impressed with This Charter Bus Conversion; and College Student's Bus Conversion Is Nicer than most Apartments. I feel living off grid can benefit me on many levels, especially in an economical way. Who knows how long I'll be living on a school bus; it could be short term (roughly up to four to five years) or long term (indefinitely). I like the idea of living on a school bus is the idea of not having to owe rent to landlord each month. There are other things I want to work on, one of them is time management. I still need to speak up but in more of a diplomatic way without having to explain myself at all whatsoever when it should be self-explanatory for those with common sense and logic.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

16 Reasons You Should be Talking About Fitness Challenge

"If we could give every individual the right amount of nourishment and exercise, not too little and not too much, we would have found the safest way to health." ~ Hipporates

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ I've been working out for the last eleven months since I'm looking to lose weight and I'm at that point that I'm becoming discouraged since I feel like I haven't seen anything different. If need be, I'm looking to join Planet Fitness but my intentions are there as to why I want to work out, and I'd say the same for Tiger Schulmann's Martial Arts. I have my reasons why I want to take up martial arts, and I feel like I'm getting more for the buck so to speak. Another thing is if I were to take up martial arts but I'm not sure it's not all that necessary to do yoga as well and I figured it'll be the best health investment I can make one can make for themselves. For those who are on a budget and live in the New York City area, there is a Shape Up NYC, a lot of these programs are free to try, especially for the curious. This blog took me a while to write because I wanted to make sure I have what I wanted to say sound interesting and also make mention of what videos worked for me before feeling like I want to take it to the next step up, such as joining a Planet Fitness or a Tiger Schulmann's Martial Arts or Renzo Gracie Academy since I have a curiosity towards Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai. My main goal is to make sure my bank account is plentiful should something arise, such as unemployment or whatever the situation may come up. My goal is to go at my own pace, so I'm not so easily discouraged and purely frustrated. Of course, there'll be days where I'll become very discouraged and frustrated, disappointed but I'm determined to get my personal goal because I'm doing this for me, myself, and I since this feels natural. What I mean I want my fitness journey to feel as natural as possible is that this feeling should come from within and nothing else. I have my reasons on why I work out is because I am doing for me; I want to feel good about myself. I'm doing this for me, myself; and I; I want to stop the negative cycle of body image issues and passivity embrace my body so I can be a better version of myself before I become a better version to other people.

-Weight Loss Journey-

"Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn't formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them." ~ Lee Haney

As most of you already know, I've been focused on getting in shape and for the first time in over five plus years my weight has gone from 201.4 pounds down to 196.6 pounds since January of this year! I'm currently taking Jardiance for my diabetes and when I'm at my goal weight of 125 pounds, I no longer plan on taking Jardiance since there are side effects involved. However, let's see where life takes me in the upcoming months. As much walking I have done this past year, I'm surprised and a bit disappointed I haven't lost more! I don't eat a whole lot of sweets or carbs; I eat enough carbs, but I don't overdo it and I just eat a small portion of carbs. Very rare I crave sweets, but when I do consume sweets, I eat sweets in a mindful way. Talk of dieting should be for a separate blog and this is more of a fitness bog than anything. I've found several fitness videos that made me feel sore for several days which is what I'm looking for as a result, and I enjoy feeling sore when working out. I'm doing this for me, no one else and I want to feel good. Reasons why I work out is because of sleep (I have mild sleep apnea), I want to improve my self-esteem; reduce risk of surgery (if need be), I hope to increase my metabolic rate; increase my metabolic rate, increase my range of motion, increase functional strength; I'm looking to improve balance and coordination, I've taken notice that exercise helps with my depression, I want to control my weight and since I'm in my early 40's, it's a challenge to drop my pregnancy weight and keep it off, another goal is to reduce aches and pains, lose hidden body fat; I want to improve my energy level and for longer; I'm also looking to strengthen my back and core muscles so I'm not preventing any discomfort of back pain; I want to change my body shape; I want to feel good about myself in my own skin, a.k.a. feeling confident in my own skin; Boost my flexibility through yoga/stretching; and I want to live as long as I can because I want to accomplish more in life. I still have places in the world I so want to visit but let's start with Japan first! If you wish to keep track of your fitness journey, here is a Six-Month Body Measurement Tracking Chart you can print out for your own records! I recently purchased Booty Bands for Working Out, Fabric Resistance Bands for Working Out Women Thigh Bands for Workout Bands Resistance for Women Resistance Bands for Leg Bands for Working Out Woman Glute Bands for Women from Amazon and I love it! I have another resistance band but for upper body fitness routine. My main weight loss goal is to get my weight down to 125 pounds and will go at my own pace, I'm in no rush to lose a lot of weight but only to gain that weight back on! All that effort, for what? I'm doing this for me. Main areas I'd love to focus on are abs (oh my gosh, have you seen Janet Jackson's abs when she did the All for You tour, and Angela Bassett's arms, here's an article from Entertainment Weekly, An ode to Angela Bassett's arms - and the power they possess. As most of you may be unaware, respectfully speaking, I'm a fan of Janet Jackson (and would love. love, love to see Janet Jackson on her next tour) whether or not she's been blacklisted from whatever an event may be since that whole Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show featuring Justin Timberlake. I'm sorry, I've lost all respect for Justin Timberlake more so now than nine years ago. Justin Timberlake [as I feel] should be the one to be blacklisted from music and movies, not Janet Jackson. Not the case, I need to focus on myself, health wise for the most part.

-Information-

"There is a moment when you get older when your metabolism slows down and you don't feel like working out anymore, so you don't want to keep yourself fit anymore, but that's your decision. Why should you be judged for it?" ~ Janet Jackson

If you wish to learn more about yoga and here are five pieces of information you can view at your own leisure. Three of them are YouTube videos in regard to yoga with an article of yoga and the other are articles of yoga. I wish you the best of luck on your fitness journey and be sure to set realistic fitness goals for yourself. Go at your own pace and that's the best way to go about. For those who are on the fence in regards on whether to begin your yoga experience and here are some videos I've watched for you to view or read at your own leisure! From the times I've done yoga [at home], it's very relaxing and I enjoy doing yoga. Here is: What Happens to Your Brain and Body When You Do Yoga Regularly. I want to also include these videos and articles for you to check out at your own time. Yoga and its connection to mental health | Nikolai Blinow | TedxSalveReginaU; The Health Benefits of Yoga - How Yoga Helps You Stay Healthy | Sadhguru; 8 Lesser-Known Benefits of Yoga; 20 Wall Pilates Benefits: You'll Wish You Knew About These Sooner! and Wall Pilates is the new low-impact exercise everyone's trying - but is it worth your time? At the end of the day, your own research is entirely up to you and I'm not going to force anyone to do yoga. Yet, it is very relaxing at the end of the day, and I have my own reasons why I'd want to do more yoga in the evening before bed! It's good to have Ignite by SPRI Resistance Cord and Tone It Up Exercise Sliders N' Sculpt Discs for Toning, Set of 2, Teal. Here are two additional workouts to go with the Resistance band and sliders discs: 12 min RESISTANCE BAND ARM WORKOUT | Upper Body | All Standing and CORE STRENGTH AND BALANCE SLIDER SCULPT WORKOUT. There are additional videos to go with these items on YouTube to view at your own leisure!

-Videos I've Tried Out in 2023-

"Number one, like yourself. Number two, you have to eat healthy. And number three, you've got to squeeze your buns. That's my formula." ~ Richard Simmons

Last but not least! Here are some of these YouTube channels I follow during my free time while my mother is out running her errands: fitbymik; getfitbyivana; MADFit; Mary Braun; and Mr. London. I do what I can while I have the apartment to myself while my mom is running her errands and it's not much time, so I squeeze what I can into a half hour to forty-five minutes, often an hour if I'm fortunate enough without taking breaks!

1. 5 min WARM UP ROUTINE Before Your Workout | Low Impact | Wrist Friendly
2. 25 min STANDING DUMBBELL WORKOUT | Full Body | Lower and Upper Body Routine | No Repeats
3. 5 min COOL DOWN STRETCH ROUTINE | After Workout | Muscle Recovery
4. 10 min TRICEPS WORKOUT with Dumbbells | No Pushups
   
5. 10 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | Biceps, Triceps and Shoulders | Zero Pushups
6. 12 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | No Pushups 
7. 15 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | Upper Body
8. 15 min STANDING ARMS AND ABS WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | Upper Body | No Repeats
9. 20 min STANDING ARM WORKOUT | With Dumbbells | No Pushups
10. STANDING TONED ARMS & BACK In Just 10 Mins/Days ~ Lose Back + Arm Fat Faster (Weights vs. No Weights) 
11. 10 Min ABS + SMALL WAIST | All Standing - No Jumping, No Repeat, Warm Up + Cool Down, At Home
    
12. 10 Minute Flat Abs Workout for Insane Results!
    
13. 10 min BRA BULGE & BACK FAT WORKOUT | Chest, Back & Arms
14. 5 min GROW YOUR BOOTY WORKOUT // No Squats No Equipment
    
15. 10 MIN LEG/BOOTY/THIGH WORKOUT (No Equipment Killer Legs)
16. 30 MIN PILATES FOR WEIGHT LOSS | best calories burn,
17. 20 MIN ABS & BOOTY - on the floor, no squats/lunges, you will feel it in your abs if done properly!
    

Back Fat Blaster!!! // Upper Body Workout with Weights
BACK & BRA BULGE 5 Min. Workout | Lose Back Fat in 2 WEEKS!! (No Equipment / Upper Body Burn).

Best of luck to those achieving your own personal fitness goals! 😘

-Lower Body Workout-

"The clock is ticking. Are you becoming the person you want to be?" ~ Greg Plitt

This is for those who want to focus on lower body as well if you wish to check some of these videos out to further your fitness goals.

1. 10 MIN TONED INNER THIGH WORKOUT - effectively target the inner part of your legs (dumbbell only) This is my go-to inner thigh exercise routine!
   
2. 10 min | 10 Days | 10 Exercises to GROW BUBBLE BUTT - Intense Booty Challenge
3. 10 Min Slim Inner + Outer Thighs | All Standing Workout, No Jumping, No Repeat, No Equipment 
4. 20 min LOWER BODY WORKOUT | With Dumbbells (And without) | Low Impact | Legs and Booty
5. BOOTY & LEG BUILDING KETTLEBELL WORKOUT
6. IF YOU HAVE CELLULITE... (WATCH THIS!)

-Upper Body Workout-

"Setting goals is the first step into turning the invisible into the visible." ~ Tony Robbins

More for your goals! Whatever your personal goals are, continue your hard work and you will see results. Keep in mind, weight loss will not happen overnight but with time and be patient because you will see results. Even if you may not see your desired results right away, I'm sure others will take notice of your weight loss. I'm proud of you for making it this far with your fitness goals and keep pushing forward. Make realistic goals for yourselves.

1. LADIES, STOP DOING ABS !? [DO THIS FIRST]
2. FUPA SHRED In 30 Days | New Year Workout Challenge! (2023)
3. 2 in 1 FLAT STOMACH AND ROUND BOOTY Workout | (30 Min)
4. 7 DAY CHALLENGE - 10 MIN WORKOUT TO LOSE BELLY FAT | AB WORKOUT TO LOSE INCHES!
5. 10 MIN LOVE HANDLES AND LOWER BELLY FAT WORKOUT Standing Only | No Equipment!
6. 10 min STANDING ABS WORKOUT | One Dumbbell | Low Impact | Beginner Friendly 
7. 10 min RESISTANCE BAND ARM WORKOUT | Tone Your Upper Body

 -Full Body Workout-

"Don't wait until you've reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching the goal." ~ Unknown

I'm going to end it here before I end up adding more videos for you to do. If you're looking for a workout challenge, check out fitbymlk since she has some decent workout challenges and feel free to check them out at your own leisure! Keep at it and challenge yourselves because it will pay off in the end, keep pushing yourself. Be mindful on your diet as well.

1. WEEK 1 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
2. WEEK 2 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
3. WEEK 3 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
4. WEEK 4 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
5. WEEK 5 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
6. WEEK 6 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
7. WEEK 7 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE
8. WEEK 8 - WINTER WORKOUT CHALLENGE

Extremely Powerful Fat Burn Frequency || 295.8 Hz || Weight Loss Binaural Beats, Burn Fat Cells.

If you are looking to revitalize your routine, here are 16 reasons why committing to a fitness challenge is a total game-changer:

1. It Shatters Plateaus: Breaking out of your regular routine shocks your body and forces it to adapt, helping you bust through frustrating weight loss or strength plateaus.
2. Built-In Accountability: It is much easier to skip a workout when you only know about it. Challenges keep you on the hook.
3. Strong Community Support: When you join a challenge, you get to connect with like-minded individuals who share tips, struggles, and celebrations.
4. Clear Structure: Say goodbye to guesswork. A challenge tells you exactly what to do, how long to do it, and when to rest.
5. The Power of Friendly Competition: Tapping into your natural competitive edge - especially through leaderboards or group milestones - motivates you to dig a little deeper.
6. Long-Term Habit Formation: Research suggests that it takes a few weeks to form new behaviors; challenges give you the perfect runway to build habits that stick.
7. Boosts Mental Health: Regular physical activity reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression while giving your mood a massive natural lift.
8. Increases Energy Levels: Combatting midday fatigue is easier when you commit to daily movement.
9. Enhanced Self-Confidence: Pushing past doubts and hitting your weekly goals builds a resilient, "can-do" mindset.
10. Speeds Up Results: Challenges often combine nutrition and intense, target training to help you see visible results faster.
11. Forces You Out of Your Comfort Zone: You will be exposed to new exercises and classes you might never have tried otherwise.
12. Teaches Goal Setting: Challenges train you to set reasonable, attainable milestones rather than overwhelming yourself.
13. Better Sleep Quality: Expending physical energy during the day helps you fall asleep faster and achieve deeper, more restorative rest.
14. Develops a Structured Routine: It creates an organized framework that seamlessly fits exercises into your busy daily life.
15. Taps Into the "Finish Line" Effect: There is a definite start and an end point, making tough training block feel incredibly manageable.
16. Builds Physical Capability: You'll be amazed at how much stronger and more capable you feel in your everyday life.

Ready to get moving? Find a program that matches your current fitness level and discover how a little challenge can completely transform your routine. If you're exploring new workouts, you can use fitness tracking tools like Strava to start your own community challenge or log your daily goals!

 

 Blessed be,

Jennifer

Two Worlds, One Summer (Fresh Air Fund)

"There's no wi-fi in the mountain but I promise you'll find a better connection." ~ Unknown

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏽‍♀️ As a single mom of one, I wish I had known about The Fresh Air Fund when my son was younger and not for nothing with all due respect, I love spending time with my son but there are moments it would feel amazing to have a bit of time for myself for the summer to spare since I'm not even getting any help from my son's father whatsoever. It is incredibly frustrating raising a child by yourself with zero assistance from the deadbeat. The Fresh Air Fund is free for city children living in the five boroughs of New York City and if I had known, I would have applied to send my son there from age 8 until 15. What they don't tell you on their website is the camp lasts ten days and I was under the impression it was for the entire summer. I believe it's certain camps that lasts ten days and I'm not sure if another camp is three weeks. Feel free to contact The Fresh Air Fund for more information at: Contact Us Today and if you wish to learn more about the different camps available at The Fresh Air Fund, please go to Learn About Our Camps for more information! I wouldn't mind sending to The Fresh Air Fund until he's outgrown the experience and I don't want him to feel like I don't love him, but I want him to experience life outside of New York City while he still can since he is still a student. It's free as well and it won't cost you anything aside from transportation to and from the location. If you wish to contact them in regards of sending your children to The Fresh Air Fund and as mentioned before, I honestly wish it was for the entire summer since I very rarely have any alone time without having to contact my son's father. It would be very helpful if my son's father is actively involved in my son's life and at the end of the day, it's his loss, not mine or my son because he is doing this to himself!

Once you fill out the information for The Fresh Air Fund, you'll have to attend an orientation and submit a medical form with your child's current medical information to The Fresh Air Fund. There is a video you will have to watch titled: Family Orientation - Camping and the video isn't very long. Lots of information on what to pack and what not to pack for The Fresh Air Fund. There are things I wish I had known in advance such as the kids being there for ten days. I've had good intentions of wanting my son to experience in life outside of New York City and have him not be on his phone as much. It felt nice for the ten days of quiet, although, it would have been nice if it were for the entire summer for my own sanity and peace since I'm not receiving any type of help from my son's father (barely financially or him making any effort of spending time with my son every other weekend without me having to even ask him but that type of effort should come naturally without having to ask for that equal amount of effort from him). It felt amazing for those nine and a half days. I doubt my son is willing to try The Fresh Air Fund next year and I want him experiencing different areas in life away from New York City. Especially if it's free and he doesn't have to worry about airfare cost, booking hotel deals, meals, and other travel expenses or having to feel guilty for taking time off from work. It's a nice peaceful ten days for parents and more so if you're a single parent such as myself because I am the primary caregiver while my son's father is out there living his best life while I'm over here struggling on the daily where I don't have the privilege of pursuing my goals, dreams, and aspiration of wanting to have a career. Anyway, this feels refreshing since I don't ask much from anyone without feeling guilty for just even asking! If I could, I need to come up with a plan for that week in the upcoming summers and this feels amazing having my son at The Fresh Air Fund camp. Although I wish it were for the entire summer and I want him to have a different kind of summer instead of being here in New York City. Here is an article from the New York Times Editorial | A Fresh Way of Living.

Have an amazing summer for those who are sending their children to camp.

Blessed be,

Jennifer

Fulfilling Family Expectations

"A boy needs a father to show him how to be in the world. He needs to be given swagger, taught how to read a map so that he can recognize the roads that lead to life and the paths that lead to death, how to know what love requires, and where to find steel in the heart when life makes demands on us that are greater than we think we can endure." ~ Ian Morgan Cron

Good morning; afternoon; and evening friends and fans! Namasté. 🧘🏾‍♀️ It doesn't make the morning news when a dad remembers to pack the extra juice box, or when he spends his entire lunch break reviewing math homework. But it is in these quiet, unprompted moments that a father's love truly speaks life into a child. It is the reassuring smiles, the early morning drop-offs, and the desire to build a strong foundation without being asked. To the fathers who step into the gap, show up when they are tired, and parent with intention - you are the silent architects of your children's happiness.

"There's really no point in having children if you're not going to be home enough to father them." ~ Anthony Edwards

I never wanted my child to experience the heavy ache of a missing father figure. Growing up with that same trauma, I knew the battle of trying to heal from an absence that was never my fault. But here we are. It isn't fair. It isn't right that I am forced to play both roles while he is out there living his best life, treating his own flesh and blood like a revolving door.

For the fathers who choose to leave: Do not get mad when your child grows up and wants nothing to do with you. You cannot reap the rewards of fatherhood when you only show up for the highlight reel. If you are not ready to be a parent, do yourselves a favor - practice celibacy, get a vasectomy, or wear protection. A child is a lifelong commitment, and they did not ask to be born into your neglect.

Children aren't accessories you can pick up and put down whenever it's convenient. It's infuriating to watch a father treat his kids like a revolving door - bursting into their lives for a weekend, then disappearing into the wind for months while the mother plays both roles 24/7. But here is the truth nobody wants to say out loud: don't get mad if your own child eventually wants nothing to do with you. You cannot build a relationship on empty promises and part-time presence, and you can't force a child to respect someone who hasn't earned it.

Let's have an honest conversation about the double standard in co-parenting. While one parent is up at 2 AM with a sick kid, packing lunches, and missing work to handle endless appointments, the other is out "living their best life" acting like an unencumbered bachelor. It is not fair, and it is not right. If you want the tile of 'Dad,' you have to show up when it's exhausting, not just when it's fun. And when the child grows up and recognizes who actually did the heavy lifting, the absent parent has no one to blame but themselves.

Some fathers act like victims when their children refuse to answer their calls or spend time with them. They claim they are being 'alienated.' But kids are incredibly smart; they figure out who is actually there for them and who is not. If a father only drops in for photo-ops and birthday texts, he shouldn't be surprised when his child has nothing to do with him. You cannot abandon a child emotionally for years and then demand a relationship just because it makes you look good.

We've all seen it: the father who pops in for a birthday, buys a gift, and then completely vanishes for another year. To them, children are just a revolving door they can walk in and out when it's convenient. But to a child, every abandoned promise builds a scar.

I made a vow to my little one that I would never allow them to internalize a deadbeat's shortcomings. It is physically and emotionally exhausting to play both roles as a mother, but the alternative - allowing a man to come and go and destroy your child's self-worth - is not an option. Just like Will Smith learned to build his own greatness without his father, we are building our own unbroken family. (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - Will's Father leaves.)

On days when the anger creeps in, I remember that we cannot force a man to be a father. And we certainly cannot get mad when our children get older, see the truth, and refuse to entertain the bare minimum.

"A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man." ~ Mario Puzo, The Godfather

Even though you've moved on. It was so easy for you to start over with someone new. I won't have that chance for a while. See single mothers who have their children 24/7 don't have the chance to go out and meet new people. Single mothers who work hard to support their children and give them everything they can in life, don't have time to go on dates. Single mothers aren't a hot commodity these days. So while you lay in bed with another woman, holding her close. I lay in bed with our son and read him stories. I bathe him every night, put on his pajamas, brush his teeth, and talk about our day. When he asks about you, I tell him you love him. Even though your actions say different. Even though, you can only manage to spend a mere day or two a month with him. I could put up with you making me feel like I didn't matter to you. But the day I knew that you would make him feel that way too, is the day I had to let you go. That was the day I knew you'd never change. You'd never be the selfless, loving father I thought you could be so I had to let you go because I knew you weren't good for me, and we could never be a family.

One day I'll get the chance to move on. I know Yahuah has a plan for my life, and I trust Him. One day, I'll get married and have a real family with a man who recognizes my strength and loves me in a way you never could. It'll take time to let go of all the hurt and pain.

I have asked for nothing from you.

I have never asked for money, I have never asked for food, I have never asked for clothing.

I cannot speak for absent mothers as I have no experience in this, I'm sure there are many out there.

It must be pretty wonderful for you to have the choice of whether to step up and be a dad on any given day. Personally, I don't get that same luxury.

What I do have the luxury of is watching a beautiful little boy grow smarter, bigger and stronger every single day. I get to hear his happy babbling in the morning, laugh as he laughs, and watch him fall into blissful sleep.

At first, I felt bitter that my life had changed so irretrievably while you still get to go out and party all the time. Now I see that my life has changed for the better while yours just reverted back to teenage years.

I have to be a mother 100% of the time, whether I'm sick, exhausted or whatever else. I don't get to say, "Sorry, not today." (Not that I'd ever want to.)

Raising our son alone makes me feel like a superhero. Like I'm invincible, and I could take on the whole world and still succeed. I'm doing something I previously thought would be impossible. I'm happily owning my single mom 'situation', and it's amazing.

While I don't have anyone to share the highs and lows of parenting with day in day out, I also don't have to share cuddles with my little boy. Does that sound selfish? Probably, but I'm so glad I have him all to myself.

It's terrifying and daunting that this is all on me, that I have the sole day to day responsibility of bringing up a child. It's just as well I have the love of not just two but two million parents to show him. I'll make sure he always knows that.

Not having that solidarity of a big, unshakeable rock beside me is definitely a struggle some days. But you were never going to be that rock anyway. I am my own rock.

You missed out on a great kid. You will miss out on birthdays, graduations, first dates, and watching our kid turn into the amazing adult they are destined to become, with or without you.

I won't teach him to hate you, but I'll let him make his own assumptions about you. Chances are, he won't feel so fondly about you once he realise how truly disgusting your actions have been.

I hope you don't consider yourself a real man, because real men don't walk out on their children. You walked out on the most important responsibility of your life, without any regrets.

I don't see it as anything I did wrong. You were simply a coward who didn't have the courage to stick out the tough times. Yes, things were hard in the beginning, but things are much better now, and I only feel sorry for you because you're missing out.

Our child will grow up learning how to be a great parent, all because you taught them everything they shouldn't do. You set a perfect example for all the things he will never grow up to be.

I've stopped agonizing over you, because you don't deserve these tears. Crying over you is like letting you win, and I've decided that you will no longer have control over my life.

I hope for your future family's sake, you don't do the same thing to them that you did to us. While you don't deserve the happiness that a family can bring you, no one else deserves the pain you've left us with.

If I could have one wish for my son, it would be to have a good father. A father who shows up and a father who puts his child before his addictions, before his friends, before his own selfish needs.

Blessed be,

Jennifer